Memories

Memories are hard to forget... but who tells you to forget them... start living with them... life turns out to be easier...  Arjun travels back in time... remembering his dead wife - Roshni... the sun of his universe... however Sakshi turns out to be an integral part of his life as well...

Arjun's POV...

"As usual har raath main yaha khada hota hoon...

Iss chand ko dekh kar ek alag sukoon aati hai...

Baara saal ho chuke hai tumhare bin Roshni...

Phir bhi lagta hai ki tum mere paas hi ho...

Woh kehti hai ki baatein bhool jaati hai... par yaadein yaad aatein hai...

Uss yaadein main apna jeevan ko hi sameth sakte hoon main...

Main tumhe kabhi bhool nahi sakta Roshni...

Kyunki tum mere astitva ke ek hissa ho

Tumhara Arjun..."

I scribble my name at the end of the the page...

It's my diary... I am not much of the writer type.. but this is the only way I can communicate with her...

It was gifted by her... on my birthday...

She wanted me to pen down our memories as life takes us ahead...

But the cruel destiny took it's own turn and this diary is only filled with my memories of us together...

As I go back to the first page to see her note, written with a fountain pen...

To my dearest Arjun..

Happy Birthday... Love you jaan :)

Ur Roshni...

I move my fingers gently over the dry ink and close my eyes... in an attempt to feel her again...

12 years has done nothing for me to have forgotten her... 

Her smile... her eyes... her voice.. her touch.. it all feels like as if it was yesterday...

Clutching the book in my hand I walk out of the patio of my house towards the beach right in front...

Settling myself on the sand I close my eyes again to recall the most favorite memory I have...

Flashback

"Arjun beta tu kar sakta hai! You can do it! Chal na!" I said pumping up my biceps and doing a few push ups...

Taking a bottle of water and gulping down its contents I see Sam laughing his head over!

"Abbey tu propose karne jaa raha hai - criminal ko pakarne nahi!" Sam laughed again...

"Oh.. God.. Masa ko yeh toh pakka batavunga! Push ups taaki tu Rosh se propose kar sake!" Sam laughed around and ended up falling straight on the floor!

"Masa ye ye ye ye!" I said imitating him!

"Oye.. atleast main propose to kar raha hoon... tu toh abhi bhi aunty ki achal pakad ke chal raha hai!" it was now my turn to laugh!

"Ha ha.. toh kya? Tere shadi hone ke teen saal baad tu hi kahega - Sam tu kitna lucky hai, kunwara abhi tak!" Sam sneered at me!

I chuckled and shook my head to clear away any impending thoughts...

"Yaar, don't worry, sab achche se jayega..." Sam hugged me tightly and ruffled my hair...

"Aur waise mujhe bhi pata hai ki tujhe Rosh ke saat world cup khelne main kitni dil chasbi hai!" he said...

"Matlab?" I asked...

Sam walked a few steps in front of me and said "Haan... shadi ke dusre din se hi practicse shuru kar dega na apna cricket team banane ke liye!" he winked at me and received a punch from me...

" Sam! Oh okay... Roshni aa rahi hai.." I said... my heart rate increasing...  my breathing going slow... I am feeling giddy...

Even though I have met her millions of times before but when the question comes of involving her as a permanent member of your life... it's another feeling!

Sam grinned at my reaction... he signaled me an all the best and slipped away before Roshni could come...

Clad in a simple white cotton salwar and a purple dupatta... she looked breath taking...

"Arrey bhagwan... itni sundar agar dikhi toh Roshni proposal se pehle hi vidva ban jayegi." I thought...

"HI Arjun!" she smiled and held my hand...

"Hi..." I said and softly caressed her soft palm...

Did she anticipate what was going to come... cause I could see her cheeks coloring... and she wasn't looking at me...

Somehow the kada on my wrist became the most fascinating thing for her...

So I removed the kada and gave it to her...

"Huh?" Roshni asked perplexed...

"Tum agar mujhe ek baar bhi nahi dekh ke bas kada pe hi interest hai toh yeh le lo!" I said sarcastically...

"Arrey nahi Arjun.. main toh bas..." she actually started explaining... then she looked up and put on a fake frown...

"Inspector sahab! Aap khud mujhse nazrein nahi milaa rahe hai aur nahi koyi baat kar rahe hai toh behtar hai na ki main at least iss kada se hi baat karoon!" she gave me a cheeky grin...

Now I fell short of words...

"Arjun..." she said...

"Haan.." I asked... brushing my nose against hers...

"Kuch nahi.." she blushed looking away...

"Uffo... iss ada pe main mar jawah!" I said loudly to see her covering her face with her palms... and then closing my mouth...

"Arjun... chup ho jaao! Kya tum bhi na!" she said.. her face totally red 

I kissed her palm and took her hand in mine...

I needed this moment... true that I felt nervous... but it was nothing when expressing my love is concerned...

"Arjun..." she called me...

I pulled her into me and whispered against her ears "Kya aaj sirf mera naam lene ka iraada hai kya... agar sirf naam hi lena chahti ho toh mere paas ek aur tareeka hai - jahan mera naam ke siva tumhari awaaz kuch aur keh bhi nahi payengi" 

"Huh?" Roshni looked at me perplexed...

Looks like a practical demo was required...

I gripped her waist and pulled her closer to me, then I winked at her... 

Her face became beet red and her eyes turned round in realization... I saw her perfect lips turn "o" in getting my point...

She hit me on my chest and suddenly all her shyness disappeared "Oye Arjun... tum pyaare Mohan se Shakti Kapoor kaise ban gaye! Agar mujhe zyaada chedne ki koshish ki na... toh tumhari aisi haalat karoongi ki tum mere photo dekh ke hi darr jaoge.. yeh baat tum samjhe ya samjhaaun?" 

I immediately leave her and stand in a salute.. "Samaj gayi Ma'am!" 

Then I again go to a sad face and sit down...

"Hey kya hua?" she said softly... touching my face..

"Ek museebat hai Roshni!" I said panicked..

"Kya jaan?" she got worried and immediately cradled my head... "Koi case?"

"Haan Roshu..." I snuggled into her... Then I looked up to see her pretty dark eyes staring at me...

"Bolo na?" she asked me to open up...

"Roshu... main soch raha tha - you know ek bohot hi khaas aur top secret cheez.." I said grimly...

"Hmm.. toh kya soch rahe the?" Roshni asked... worry lines reaching her forehead...

"Main soch raha tha ki shadi ke baad jab humare chaar bachche honge... aur agar saare tumhari tarha mujhe sys dete rahe toh mera kya haal hoga!" I said in a serious face...

Roshni looked at my face blankly for two seconds... 

I burst into peels of laughter when I felt a whack on my head!

"Arjun tumhara humor pathetic hai! Pata hai main sach main darr gayi thi... uff!" she hit me again and walked away in a huff...

"Arrey Roshni ruk na! Ruk jaa o dil deewani! Poochu toh main zara... Ladki hai yah phir jaadoo!!!" I scream while running behind her...

All the people around are looking at us and Roshni's face has turned into various shades of pink and red!

Some of the young kids are even cheering for me!

"Toh sirf yeh hi problem tha... mujhe laga ki tumhe problem ek aur cheez se hogi!" I said while trying to control my laugh...

"Nahi baaki koi problem nahi.. tum toh yehi deserve karte ho... humaare saare bachche tumhe sys denge...!" she turned around in anger... but couldn't help that smile from creeping up...

"Matlab tumhe chaar bachche se koi problem nahi! Twins hone chahiye ya chaar alag alag?" I asked naughtily...

Then Roshni turned to me and said "Arrey! Chaar bachche!" 

"Oh... kam hai.. theek hai 7 bachche... theek hai?" I posed on innocent face...

Roshni's eyes went round and her face was in pure shock...

Enjoying the situation I said.. with an innocent face... "Acha theek hai 10 bachche... usse zyaada nahi... main thak javunga Roshni!" I added naughtily!

Then Roshni clutheched my shirt and told in a high pitched voice "Tum thak javoge! Mere kya haalat hoga... yeh bachche paida karwa rahe ho ya football team! Meri toh gayi.. aadhi zindagi se zyaada bachche paida karwane main lag jayega! Tumhe kya hai! Tumhe toh mazaa hi hoga na! Sazaa toh mere liye hoga!" Her cheeks had turned apple red right now...

I laughed clutching my stomach and said "Arrey Roshu jaan... don't worry main utna berehem nahi hoon! Par in sab se pehle ek important cheez toh tum bhool hi gayi!" 

"Kya?" Roshni asked...

I bend down on one knee and took her lovely hand in mine... I could see her face glowing in anticipation... "Shadi karogi mujhse!" I asked in one shot - small and simple...

She nodded yes and hugged me tight...

I pick her up in my arms and scream "I love you Roshni!!!!!!" 

All the people around start clapping and whistling for the two of us...

Roshni hugs me tightly and buries her head in my chest... I smile at her shyness...

I slowly chin her up and bring my face near her's...

I look into her eyes for permission... but they are already close... with slight lines of joy around her eyes... she parts her lips slightly as a reply the minute my breath fans on her face...

Knowing it's our first kiss... I was nervous... I never kissed a girl before... 

I close my own eyes and gently let my lips feel her soft ones...

We don't realize when we automatically lock our lips and move them in a synched rhythm...

We part after some time... due to lack of breath... smiling and shying away...

I hold her hand and we walk down the path... with Sam popping into the view and enveloping us into a bear hug...

At the end of the road when I drop her back home I hug her once more and say "I love you Roshni..."

She mumbles against my chest "I love you too Arjun..."

Present

I slowly come out of my trance as I smell a familiar fragrance around me... it comes near me and then it leaves...

I know who she is... I don't have to open my eyes...

I catch her wrist before she leaves... 

"Nahi Sakshi... jaane ki zaroorat nahi hai..." I say softly... and open my eyes to see my pretty Sakshi to stand next to me... her face glowing in the moonlight...

Sakshi - the other part of my being...

I never thought that I could love her... I practically never did... I just cared for her... I have a concern in my heart for her...

But her never lasting silent love for me is what shook me up...

She never asked me to love her back...

Nothing dramatic happened...

She used to look after my small things day and night...

Be it my steaming cup of chai or the sprain on my foot... 

I avenged Roshni's death.. Sakshi stood beside me... but never came close to me...

She too had to settle scores with Sikandar.. her father was in coma due to him...

I remember clutching her hand so tight that night that her bangles had broken and had pierced in her delicate hand... but she didn't utter anything... 

When I found myself going close to her... I was scared... scared of my future with her... terrified that she was the sun and I was the black hole...

I had sucked away one star's life - my Roshni's...

I couldn't tolerate me being the reason of any sort of harm in Sakshi's life...

Hence I told her to leave... trying to show fake hatred... told her not to meet me or see my face again... in the pretense that she would be pulling me away from my Roshni...

It's true I love Roshni.. but I had accepted that Sakshi was important to me...

But Sakshi left.. without a word... without asking any explanation... and I realized... she was way more matured than me to have seen through my pretense... 

And I crushed in that pain.. gave myself a fake consolation that her being away from me would keep her alive...

Two years went by like that... I became a living corpse... Ayesha and Sameer got engaged... I was happy for them... on their engagement I hoped to see Sakshi.. I don't know why...

And what I saw shook me... cause it was not the Sakshi I knew... 

Flashback

She was a skeleton.. literally... a pale face.. barely any make up... my fav "choodio ki dukaan" was missing... her hand were bare... I could see the veins running through them...

She had worn a plain light pink saree.. but I could see her shoulder blades.. her ribs.. her doe shaped eyes... it had lost all the charm.. dark circles had befriended her eyes... 

I stood afar and tried to find my Sakshi in that lost girl... as she approached Sameer and Ayesha... I saw the shock that registered their faces on seeing her... they kept her gift aside and hugged her tight...

Ayesha started sobbing on seeing Sakshi... from her face silent tears fell... Sameer wiped of Sakshi's tears and gave her a loving kiss on her forehead...

Sakshi asked them to open her gift... it was a book filled with memories... Sasha's pictures... there was one of Sameer and Roshni I guess... then one of Sameer and...mine? She seemed to have held Sameer and Ayesha's hands together and appeared like asking for something... Sameer nodded his head and tears fell from his eyes... 

Sakshi then turned around for a sec and asked something to Ayesha for a second... Ayesha nodded...

Then Sakshi turned to leave.. Sam and Ayesha tried to stop her... Liza, Shree and Chotu joined as well... they too were shocked and hugged her tightly... I wanted to go towards her as well... but I felt guilty... somewhere down the line my heart told her that I was the reason for her current state...

They said a lot of things to her... but she just smiled then looked at a mirror in front and paused... she saw me... with that one look she left... I couldn't hold myself and rushed to the bathroom to find my face stained with tears... 

Who was this Arjun? "Kaun hai yeh?" I saw Roshni standing from behind looking at me with disappointment...

I turned to the mirror to see myself... I looked disastrous.. I had a rough beard... messy hair.. sunken eyes... my state - physically wasn't any better than Sakshi's... but...

I couldn't think more and collapsed on the floor...

Roshni softly cradled my head in her lap and told me "Apne aap ko aur khaas kar ke Sakshi ko itna dard kyun de rahe ho tum Arjun?" 

I just whispered "I love you Roshni..."

Her gently face turned aside and she told me "Nahi chahiye tumhara pyaar agar yeh pyaar do zindagion ko nasht kar de... I loved you Arjun.. and I still do... but iska matlab nahi ki tum..." her voice seemed to choke...

Then I blacked out...

I remember getting up with Sam and Ayesha sitting next to me with eyes full of concern...

Sam signaled Ayesha to leave and then Sam held my hand "Sorry Arjun... maine jo tere saath kiya.. woh ghalat tha... today after having Ayesha I realize ki..." I didn't let him complete his sentence as I got up and hugged him tight... no more words were required..

Finally we both released the long held back tears for Roshni...

Throughout the night we both chatted on our old memories.. and from one window I saw  Roshni looking at me... smiling... and from the door I saw Ayesha smiling with tears in her eyes...

"Bhabi..." I called her for the first time...

"Arjun sir.. tumne bulaya?" she asked quickly wiping away the tears...

"Tumhara sir nahi... tumhara devar" I gave a weak smile and gestured her to sit next to us...

Sam left for a minute to find food for me - I fainted as I had skipped my meals for a day and half...

"Congrats Ayesha... Sam jaise behtar jeevan saathi tumhe nahi milega.. Roshni bhi bohot khush hogi tum dono ko ek saath dekh ke.." I smiled...

Adding a small chuckle I said "Mujhe toh darr tha ki kahi Sam ne mujhe pasand karne na shuru kiya ho kyunk koi bhi ladki usse pasand hi nahi aata!"

Ayesha laughed and Sameer entered with a grumpy face "Wah.. bhabi aur bhai ek saath kya mil gaye mera band bajaana shuru kar diya!" 

He had brought along a plate of Biryani and raita for me...

I smiled with tears brimming my eyes as Sam held out a spoon to feed me... 

Ayesha rubbed her nose again "Waise Sam aur Arjun bhai" she stopped for a second smiling as she replaced the sir with bhai ".. tum dono na young times main kaafi achche dikhte the! Mujhe pata hi nahi tha!" she said... looking at the confused faces of ours she went on to get the big book that Sakshi had gifted them...

As Ayesha showed us the photos we smiled... I had finished eating by then... gulping a glass of water I looked only at the pics were Sakshi was and her handwriting below...

"You know Arjun bhai... yeh mere aur Sam ke liye sabse mehenga tofa hai... yeh yaadein kabhi waapas nahi aatein.." she smiled with tears in her eyes and Sam held her hand...

I gently picked up the beautifully carved book and turned page after page... my hands going over Sakshi's pictures...

"Sam.. woh ek baar bhi muhe milna nahi chahi?" I asked in a broken voice...

"Aisa nahi hai Arjun bhai... the first thing she asked us was if you had come or not..." Ayesha said...

"PHir?" I asked... a frown on my face...

" The minute we said yes... she left... we tried to stop her... she said that she has given you a promise... and she won't break it... par yeh meir Sakshi thi hi nahi.." Ayesha broke down and excused herself to the other room...

"Arjun... please... you and Sakshi need each other... she asked me to look after you... as you looked weak... aur kaha ki tum Roshni ke saath jeena seekhlo... yaar... usse waapas le aao Arjun...mujhe Sakshi aur tera haalat dekhi nahi jaati.. aur Roshni bhi yahi chahegi.." Sam brushed a tear away and patted my back and left...

Then and there itself I left to go to the hotel she stayed... Sam asked me "Tu kaha jaa raha hai..."

I looked at him and said "Maine Sakshi se kaha tha ki woh mujhe na miile... maine aisa kabhi nahi kaha ki main usse nahi mil sakta... I do need her Sam..." I said softly with the tears brimming in my eyes...

Sam smiled and Ayesha hugged me as I left for Sakshi's hotel...

Sam told me which room she stayed in...

As I knocked on the door and Sakshi opened... her eyes went round in shock... she hadn't changed still - like me... there were tear stains on her cheeks...

She barely whispered "Arjun..."

I just entered in her room and locked my lips with hers... furiously... aggressively... my hands hugged her frail form possessively... 

Her hands weakly caressed my head...

She led out a soft moan as I parted her lips and tasted her from inside... as I softly pulled away to let her breathe and trailed a few kisses on her cheeks I tasted something salty... she was crying...

I just shook my head no... and bent my head for another passionate kiss... i carried her towards the bed... not leaving her lips for a second and laid her on the bed... after what seemed like forever I hugged her tightly and said one thing...

"You're not leaving me again Sakshi..." I mumbled against her damp forehead...

She broke into a sob and cried the whole night in my arms... me too... finally I had let out all the restraints... 

No more words were now required...

Present

She gave me all the things in my life to breathe again... 

She only gave me this book that Roshni had given to me and asked me to write whenever I felt like speaking to Roshni...

We were married for 6 years now..this year we would complete 7 years... we had a 4 year old son.. he was named Akshat... Akshat Arjun Rawte...

So I catch her wrist and make her sit in front of me ...

"Thank you Sakshi..." I said softly as I caressed her round stomach ... yeah we were going to have another child..

She turned back and gave me her precious smile...

"Roshni ji ko miss kar rahe ho na?" she said softly...

"Hmm..." I answered hugging her back but still looking up at the moon...

"Don't miss her... woh yahi hai..." Sakshi answered...

"Kaha?" I asked her softly...

She turned towards me and placed her palm in my chest.. "Yaha..."

I smile and peck her lips gently... she rests her head on my chest and I close my eyes..

Then I hear a voice in my ear " Finally  a good thing done  Mr. Rawte!" 

I think back "I know Roshni... thanks..."

I hug Sakshi tightly and thank the God above... to have the most beautiful memories in my life...

One being a part of my heart...

One being a part of my soul...

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