Ire Part 4

Read Part 1 & 2

Read Part 3

PART 4

With a soft sigh she let the contents of a cup of steaming chai soothe her throat. She kept the cup aside and let the wind caress her face. 

It had been a week since Arjun had brought her to Mussoorie. Honestly speaking, the last thing Sakshi expected after the incident of her abortion would be their vacation to this hill station. She still remembered waking up to find a heap of clothes on their bed and Arjun fiddling with the zip of a bag. 

The expectant look in his eyes, hope reflecting in those orbs - something apart from the usual angst and pain in them made her accept the tickets. What she was grateful for was the fact that he didn’t hound her with question or unnecessary pampering. He just loved her and gave her her space. 

“Good morning.” his voice brought her back to reality. She nodded in reply. For once Sakshi completely missed the hurt which went across his face. 

She still wasn’t speaking with him. 

Not that he expected anything better. With hesitation being his primary emotion, he drew a chair and sat next to her. Arjun tried to read through the woman who sat next to him, a woman who looked so much like the wife he had cherished and carelessly lost. 

He still felt darkness inviting him to rot in guilt, but this time he knew better than to leave his wife alone. “How are you?” He placed his palm on hers and waited for a reply. The smile faded from his face when Sakshi retreated her palm and nodded again. 

Pain filled him once more, but then he wouldn’t stop trying… no matter how much it would take. “Do you know that there are very good bhuttas available here. With butter they are simply delicious! Will you come with me?” 

He had his eyes trained on his wife who walked towards their suitcase and bent to remove the zip. “Wait, I got something for you… would you like to see it?” Sakshi scratched her head and sighed in response. Happy that he extracted a gesture from her, the least, Arjun smiled at her and gave her a gift box. 

A ghost of a smile adorned Sakshi’s face when she saw a pretty pastel pink lace dress with a rose in the box. Tears filled her eyes when she realised how hard Arjun had been trying to be a perfect husband. The matter wasn’t about forgiveness, it was just about healing herself. 

“Did you like it?” Arjun held her wrist gently and looked into her eyes. Sakshi choked to find him so vulnerable and weak. This wasn’t the Arjun she had wanted. “If… if you don’t want it or you don’t like it then I can change it. T.. there are other colours too; blue, orange, green and even peach but then you had said you liked pink.” 

Sakshi sat on the bed and held the red rose in her hand, admiring its softness and fragrance. She picked up the dress and walked towards the washroom. 

This was good enough as a start. 

~*~

“It’s fine Neel…” Neel closed his eyes as he felt his wife encircle her arms around his neck. “No it’s not, this was just in front of my eyes and I could have easily avoided this if I read into Sakshi as well. I was so focused with Arjun that I completely missed her! Look at her face!” Neel showed several pictures of Sakshi to Swaragini. 

“Each one of them displays agony and angst. The love in her eyes is unmatchable but then the sadness is overwhelming. It’s just my fault…” Neel pressed his sore temples while his wife sat beside him. 

“We are just doctors Neel, we aren’t the Almighty. I have pain in knowing that Sakshi lost her baby. I am a mother and I understand what she must be going through. But let me tell you one thing, whatever happens… happens for the best. Sakshi and Arjun love each other the most, but none of them could have handled a baby now. It would have been disastrous.” 

“But…” “No buts Neel. You have to stop getting personal in this case. Agreed Arjun is your friend but this doesn’t mean that you’re responsible for whatever happens in his life. Our job is to make the best of what is there and what has happened. We were never the ones to lament over what’s gone. Hai na?” Swaragini smiled as she found her husband coming round. 

“What would I ever do without you Ragini?” “I am sticking with you for a lifetime. So you don’t exactly have to think what would you do without me.” She smiled and pulled his cheek affectionately. 

“That action doesn’t suit for a forty year old!” Neel grumbled while Ragini laughed. 

“Don’t teach me that, now come on… buck up! Finish off this milk and come to bed.” Raining tied the knot of her robe while Neel shook his head “Why not the other way round?” 

Ragini raised a sleek eyebrow in response and the couple burst in laughter. 

~*~

The fragrance of fresh dew and flowers lifted Sakshi’s mood instantly. For a minute she almost forgot the grief of her life and let the moist grass tickle her feet. A slight giggle escaped her lips and she sighed as she overlooked one of the tributaries of the Ganges flow down the planes. 

As a child she always wanted to play with clouds, they seemed nothing but cute fluffy cotton balls. Early in the morning when Arjun roused her and took her to the top of Mussoorie, she was astounded by the sight which greeted her. 

She had never been good with description hence words failed her when she tried to speak out how beautiful it was. Beyond her there were miles of greenery sloping down the hills and she was walking amidst a little cloud. She closed her eyes as cool vapours of water touched her cheek. 

For the first time she felt the repair on her wound. 

“Sakshi…” Arjun panted, it did seem like as if he had been running for some time. “Where were you?” Panic evident on his face, Sakshi assumed that he had lost her on his way. She passed a reassuring smile and was taken aback when he knocked her breath out of her lungs as he enveloped her into a tight embrace. 

“You’re so silly!” He admonished her and cupped her cheek “The visibility right on the other side is just ten meters! After you walked through the cloud I could barely see you and I thought…”

“I am here…” Her words were merely a whisper yet they meant everything for Arjun. Tears shone in his eyes and he placed his forehead on hers. “I love you Sakshi, please forgive me.” 

Sakshi almost smiled back at him when a giggle broke their trance, she turned around to find a small toddler laughing and taking wobbly steps. Sakshi clutched on Arjun’s jacket tightly as pain settled in her. Every word of apology, every action from Arjun suddenly seemed meaningless for him. 

One look at Sakshi’s face and he knew it, no matter what the pain wouldn’t ever heal completely. 

Suddenly Sakshi left Arjun and just stared at the toddler. Arjun’s heart constricted in pain as he found Sakshi looking at how the parents played and cooed with their baby. Instinctively her palms went around her stomach and she looked at Arjun. 

Both knew what the other was thinking about. 

She took slow steps and said “I want to go home.” 

~*~

Arjun rubbed the wetness of his eyes with the back of his jacket and took a stone faced Sakshi back to the hotel. The rose that he had given her lay somewhere lost. He was scared, scared of losing his Sakshi forever. 

He tried apologising several times but each time Sakshi dismissed it, telling him that he needn’t apologise. 

He didn’t know what to do. The pain of losing a child was killing him like slow poison. Every second he thought of what life could be and it forced him to compare with how life was.  

He was lost, he kept on hearing voices in his head. Especially the ones of his father who kept on mocking at his fate and pushing him to accept defeat. 

But he stood strong, just for his Sakshi. He wanted to try, just for Sakshi. He wanted to live, just for Sakshi. 

He had accepted long back that his wrath had destroyed everything he ever had. What was the use of anger? His father’s anger destroyed him… his anger destroyed his family. The wife who never left his side now preferred loneliness than his company. 

She never said it, but her comfort without him was evident. 

He noticed the blank expression on Sakshi’s face when she walked into the hotel room, it was decorated with lilies and heart shaped balloons. “What’s this?” Sakshi asked the minute they switched on the lights. “I wanted to say I love you.” Arjun replied. He turned away and locked himself in the washroom, knowing that nothing would work to heal them. 

Sakshi settled herself on the bed, brushing away the petal when she realised her cheeks had dampened with her tears. Guilt settled on her when she realised that her Arjun was doing everything he could do in his ability to make her feel better but then she didn’t want to heal herself. 

Feeling numb with pain felt better than love with pain. Her thoughts were interrupted when she received a call from Neel. “Hey child.” Sakshi sighed in reply. 

“I know you might not want to talk with me Sakshi but I need to tell you one thing. You and Arjun and meant for each other. Losing a baby is panful but Sakshi, no matter how hard this sounds, you had taken this step. And honestly, at this moment… you both couldn’t handle a baby. Instead of being ignorant and trying to dissociate with the ones you love to be away from pain will make you lose what you have.” Neel crossed his fingers and waited for her reply. 

“Do you take Arjun responsible for al that’s happened?” “No…” pat came Sakshi’s reply. Neel heard her sobbing from the other end “I’ve never felt Arjun to be responsible for anything which happened in my life. How can I blame a man who’s been struggling through his troubles to just give me a good life? I don’t blame him… I can’t.” Sakshi cried out. 

“Tell that to him Sakshi, not me. Trust me child everything is going to be fine.” Neel kept his phone aside and wished for the best . 

~*~

Arjun crouched on the floor and cried his heart out. He had destroyed everything and he was responsible for it. No matter what he did, the pain would always remain. He had destroyed every dream of Sakshi’s and he didn’t mind being punished for it. 

But then, his Sakshi being nothing but a blank person was something Arjun couldn’t accept. It was too painful to believe that the smiles synonymous with her being had vanished. 

Just because of him.

“Arjun…” a soft whisper on the door broke his thought process. “C… coming!” He tried to control his shaky voice and splashed water on his face to remove any trace of his cry. 

He opened the door to find Sakshi standing in front of him, tears marring her cheeks. “Oh god, baby are you fine?” 

“I’m not.” Sakshi’s lips quivered when she replied “What happened?”

“I’ve lost something.” Sakshi said. “What?” Arjun’s eyes widened. He tried to walk out when Sakshi placed a palm on his chest and stopped him “My husband.”  She whispered. 

“S…” “Shush… this man is not my husband. Vulnerable, scared… Arjun I want you to confide in me. I want you to talk with me. I don’t want to be a part of your smiles if I am not next to you when you cry.” Sakshi pressed her cheek against his heart and held on to him gently. 

“I want you to be happy.” Arjun croaked out “I know baby… I know. But my happiness lies with you. I just want you to trust me with your future.” 

“How are you so strong? I have wronged…” Sakshi placed her fingertips on his lips and shook her head “No baby, you were not responsible for your father’s abusive behaviour. You are not responsible for your pains nor mine. Just come to me, come home and be the way you are.” Sakshi hiccuped as she tried to control her tears but failed to do so when Arjun hugged her tight and broke down. 

Sakshi cooed him gently as they sat on the bed, him crying his heart out, venting years of pain. “I am so sorry… so sorry…” She patted his back as he snuggled close to her heart. “The baby… I am…” 

“Shush… I love you Arjun, that’s all that matters.” Sakshi smiled again, holding on to the last string of hope as Arjun embraced her like a lost child. As Arjun let loose of his pain, Sakshi found her pain ebbing away with his tears. 

His insecurities had dwelled within her and now that each cried out their grief, they found solace within each other. 

He placed a fleeting kiss on her heart and sighed with content as her arms wound around his frame. 

Life didn’t promise a bed of roses, but then the couple vowed to not let her fears and his anger be nothing but a figment of their past. 

~*~

EPILOGUE

“HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY!” He threw the glass away as his wife screamed in shock. 

Anger seemed to have possessed him as he loomed over his wife. 

“Sakshi!” Arjun growled. 

A six month pregnant Sakshi looked up to find her husband very furious as he shut her laptop and placed his hands on her hips. “How many time have I told you to not look into such videos and case studies? You don’t have to do all this, at least not now!” 

“I am just trying to find out the base lines of the man. I am trying to find out whether the man is abusive or is it something else. For you fee if he if abufif… Affun!” Sakshi growled as Arjun stuffed her mouth with cookies. 

“Thefe al yummy but..” “No buts Sakshi. I know that studying a man’s behaviour is a very important key to deduce his intentions but this is not right while you are in your gestational period!” Arjun shook his head in anger and sat beside her. 

“Gestational period… really?” Sakshi tilted her head as her husband cleared his throat 

“Yes, currently you are going through the end of your second trimester in your gestational period, also called as pregnancy. This means that now you will have to change the position of your sleep as more pressure is applied on your uterus and we need to frequent our visits to the doctor, especially towards the last few weeks to know the position of the baby that it’s not on breech position but on the usual head towards the opening position. It also means that we can still make love but then by the eighth month I can only caress but not put pressure on our baby. Also…”

“Also that I love my husband a lot.” Sakshi placed a moist kiss on her husband’s moving lips and smiled as he frowned “Sakshi you still need to know more things! You do need to tell me when you will find the amniotic fluid leak through your legs. It will be like a thick clear fluid. Oh and I will tell the doctors to keep our baby straight on to your skin and allow breast crawl than to set the baby away.” Arjun found Sakshi cupping his cheek and laughing. 

“Our baby’s still three months away love. You don’t have to try so hard. And it makes me feel as if you are giving birth and not me.” Sakshi stretched her legs and found Arjun pressing her swollen feet. 

“I wish I could feel it baby. I love you more than everything and I want nothing wrong this time, it’s three years…” “Since I loved you more - that’s it baby.” Sakshi smiled and shied her feet away from his hands. 

“Now go to work and come back very very fast because I am craving for my husband and our baby awaits papa.” Sakshi pressed a kiss on his cheek while Arjun grumbled “Don’t kiss my cheek in public Sakshi!” Arjun shook his head while Sakshi winked at him. 

“Tum bhi na!” Arjun laughed and walked out of his house while Sakshi shouted out her love. The wacky loveable wife of his. 

Arjun smiled in satisfaction, this was the wife he had fallen for all those years back. 

Sakshi waved bye and sighed in contentment. This was the Arjun she had always craved for. He was just the way he had always been, without the anger. He was still shy to profess his love in public, he still got angry quickly but then had learnt how to keep his temper in check. 

She caressed her swollen belly as memories sailed through her mind. 

When they had come back from Mussoorie, Arjun had confided in Sakshi that he had been hearing voices and seeing his father every now and then. He had been scared to tell this to anyone because they would call him mad and his father had warned him not to tell anyone. 

The first thing Sakshi had done was to get in touch with Neel and speak to him. 

Schizophrenia. 

That was what Arjun was diagnosed with. This was a secret between Sameer and Ayesha, for they feared that if the officials got a sniff of this then they shall suspend Arjun on the basis of being a psychologically imbalanced man. 

The current phase of Arjun’s life had been very difficult but what made a huge difference was that Arjun was aware and willing to take any step to help him improve his life. The abortion of the baby, though as strange it may sound, was a blessing in disguise for the Rawte family. 

Sakshi had strengthened herself and learned how not to let others emotions influence her action, even though Arjun was the most important part of her life - he was still a part of her life. 

Arjun disclosed that he always needed an anchor of his life, it didn’t matter whether it was of negative or positive influence in his life. Perhaps that's why he had held on to a part of his father. Anger had been his first layer of defence mechanism and he let that become his primary emotion seeing that his anger did work in fending off people he felt uneasy with. 

Seventeen years of torture from his father barely made him realise that his father was dead. Dead for good. Neel had pushed Sakshi to find her baby within Arjun, to shower her love for her Arjun as though he would be her child. 

Two years of relentless effort from the couple had born its fruits. The voices almost disappeared and had no influence on Arjun as a person. Arjun had calmed because he was ready to do anything to get back his family life. 

Sakshi had insisted that they will look ahead into their family once he is settled. He was, is and always will be her first priority. That had brought Arjun to tears. 

A supporting wife, dependable friends and the will of the patient himself - the three key reasons for the success of Arjun’s recovery, Neel was never surprised. 

“I love you.” Sakshi smiled as she typed and sent the message away, a fluttery emotion settling on her heart. Life had taken a better turn when Sameer had conveyed his apology through his tiny gestures. 

To say they were touched when Sameer and Ayesha had helped them in redecorating their house would be an understatement. They stood beside like family and Sameer had done everything in his power to give Arjun the most flexible hours at office 

That said it all. 

“Oh!” Sakshi gasped as she felt a kick on her stomach and found her baby’s feet sticking out against the wall of her stomach. She clicked a photo of the kick and sent it to Arjun… it wasn’t required but then she knew she would get that smile on his face when he would see it. 

Their baby. Sakshi still recalled the night when they had made love again, after a gap of a year. 

Arjun felt too guilty to touch her again till Sakshi had reassured him that she wanted him and loved him. A few coaxing words and she did find her husband back, with unbridled love and desire. 

They went up in flames as they came together yet she felt like it was her first time. He cherished her and treated her like a doll of glass. Every kiss was tender, every bite was gentle, every suckle was loving. The soft conversations after they lay spent touched her heart. 

His honest attempt to speak out his feelings on how he felt completed with her swelled her heart with pride. She didn’t care about anything anymore. She loved him. 

Period. 

As she spent the night with her head rested on his chest, hearing to his steady heartbeats she knew that they were meant for each other. No matter how cheesy it sounded. 

When she woke up with him boyishly smiling at her, in his arms , she knew she wanted this for her whole life. She needn’t have to protect nor fight for her love. 

She just needed to be beside her love. 

No matter what. 

Nothing could destroy their love, not her abortion, not his disease. 

Not her fear, 

Not his ire. 

-finis-

A/N: All those who thought Arjun is responsible and should get punished... I hope you all agree with Sakshi's viewpoint! This was one of my favourite stories and I can't believe it bit the dust! Looking forward to your parting response to this! 

OMG, I still can't believe that THIS is over... 

Love, 

Armageddon!

P.S : Ire shall be soon launched as a book priced at just $0.99.