Amour Fou 6

AMOUR FOU

CHAPTER 6

THRESHOLD

“Sakshi?” Arjun whispered, his voice almost childlike as his wife lay frighteningly still in his arms. “Bhaisa…” He raised his hand and stopped his sister in law from speaking further. “She’s sleeping, don’t disturb her. All of you, just wait for a few moments.” His eyes were glint with a strange sadness as he picked his wife’s body and headed towards their bedroom.

Without paying a heed to his words, Asha followed him.

“Bhabisa… what did I tell you?” Arjun muttered under his breath, trying to reign on his anger as he lay Sakshi on their bed. “Don’t worry bhaisa, she’s not pregnant. She can’t be. It’s barely 72 hours since you both… and she has taken the pill.”

Arjun’s stiffened form relaxed as he heard that, his callous fingers tucking Sakshi’s wayward strands. “Thank you.” He replied, his eyes raking over Sakshi once more. “She’ll be fine…” Asha placed a sisterly hand on his shoulder while Arjun looked up, his eyes glassy with unshed tears. “I did not wed her for this bhabhisa… not this…” His voice cracked and he got up, all too sudden, fury settling in those dark irises.

Shutting the door gently, Arjun raced down to the hall with the madness of a possessed lover. Gone were the years of an innocent child as his family seemed nothing short of enemies. He’d labelled them like that, it was just too simple. Arjun might have grown as a man but his heart was still of a child’s - the world was divided into two shades… black or white.

“Just answer me, who did this…” Arjun slapped off his father’s hand and looked at his family, he knew all of them were guilty. “Beta…”

“Don’t beta me!” Arjun barked. Walking impatiently in circles, he stopped and closed his eyes “Let me remind you that I will kill the person who has touched her, and if it’s family then I’ll chop his…” His eyes left to remain on his mother’s face “... or her hand.”

Arjun’s mother swallowed tightly at her son’s pointed look and decides to put the onus on Asha, that lamb wouldn’t even dare to say anything in her defense but Arjun’s stare made her feel wary.

It’s almost like Arjun knew who did what, yet he kept silent for the grace of a conscience none had.

Grinding his teeth in sore irritation at their ignorance, Arjun returned to his room,  leaving a stillness of death amidst the others.

The Sarpanch limped to his old rocking chair, a storm brewing in his old calculative eyes. “This girl has way too much power on Arjun… something needs to be done, something.” A crooked smile formed on his lips as he eyed the similar malicious look on his older son’s eyes.

For how long could a widowed Arjun moan?

---

“I hope my little ones aren’t disturbing you masa, if they a…”

“Ratna…”

Ratna kept her call and felt her heart skip a beat as she heard the haunted whisper of her name. A voice so startlingly similar to her husband’s but as if he were to be dead. Clutching on to the ends of her skirt, a worried Ratna rushed to find an older Kailash looking back at her.

He seemed to have grown beyond his age of forty two.

Distraught.

Hadn’t he just come from Sakshi’s hou… was her daughter alright? Taking quick yet nimble steps she approached her husband and looked into his dazed eyes “Sak… Sakshi, she’s fine right? Please, tell me…” A disoriented Kailash turned to see the splitting image of his daughter look at him, with tears settling on her wide, hazel eyes.

“It was my mistake…”  Sakshi spoke out, staring at nothing. With tears long dried on her cheeks, she stared at her father with cold eyes “I thought my father was my saviour… but how was that possible? Were you ever next to me?”

“I hate you…”

Little ants crawled onto the scattering sweets Kailash had bought for his daughter, least bothered about the screams echoing from the walls.

Ratna screamed for help as her husband collapsed on the floor, as still as a dead man.

----

He couldn’t forget her. The bashful smile that lit up her soft, brown eyes. Her tanned skin glowed in the colours of orange and yellow, her cheeks painting to a dull shade of red when she realised that he had been looking at her - shamelessly.

It had been one meeting, a fleeting moment, yet Sameer could barely forget that wonderful village belle.

Love at first sight? Sameer scoffed at that idea but felt a sudden vacuum in his heart. It was an utterly ridiculous idea, they didn’t even know each other and… she was married. Married to a beast, most likely. He hadn’t missed the bruises on her arms neither the look of alarm on her pretty face when she heard about her husband being nearby.

If he was her husband he would have never… what was he thinking about! Standing up, Sameer dusted his pants and walked toward the sitting area to find his father busy in an engagement.

“Babasa, did you call for me?”

Damsingh smiled at his son and called him to sit beside him “I think it’s high time you think about getting the throne for yourself - I know it’s simply titular and all that. But son, you’ve turned to a strapping young lad and you’ve been the driving force behind…” Sameer scratched his neck embarrassedly as his father described his achievements to the other stranger.

Smiling hesitantly, Sameer bent to touch the feet of the Pandit who blessed him “Ayushmaan Bhava! What was that Rana ji was saying? The bio hydro plants…”

“Bio-fuel and hydropower plants Pandit ji, that will help in getting energy in a more sustainable manner.” Sameer explained while Pandit Shastra Acharya nodded his head in agreement

“Do I see a king speaking?” Pandit laughed heartily and patted Sameer’s shoulder. After exchanging a few more pleasantries, Damsingh excused himself and Sameer from the Pandit and walked towards the garden.

“Pandit ji says that the upcoming week sits just fine for your coronation, we know it’s a tight stretch of time therefore we won’t have all the dignitaries I would have wished for…” Sameer smiled at his uptight father and chuckled “Babasa, why do you want to spend this much of time and money on something that’s not even real! What’s real are these project developments, what’s real are the poverty issues and backlogs of our country… and..” As Sameer saw the glimmer in his father’s eyes he stopped and waved his hands.

“No, I am not going to join the politics.”

Damsingh rolled his eyes “But Congress would be more than happy to have you, and what’s better than…”

“Babasa, politics is not my cup of tea. I will keep my mouth shut about the coronation ceremony if you promise not to get me involved with all this.” Sameer grinned as his father grimaced. “Fine, fine. So, I was thinking that now these people will have their new King, what about having their queen?”

Sameer stopped short and turned to look at his father “Babasa I am not ready for a marriage.”

“You don’t have to be, I have spoken with the Alawars and they are more than glad to have this alliance.” Damsingh’s smile slightly faltered on seeing Sameer’s astonished face. “So wait, this entire coronation crap and my praises was to get my nod for a relationship I am not interested in?”

Damsingh straightened his shoulders and looked at his son “You’re going to be thirty soon, followed by the fact that you’re a corporal head and a to be king. It’s the perfect time for you to find a wife who fits our royal bloodline…”

“Dad, which era are you in! What if I have a… a girlfriend?” Sameer pointed out while Damsingh shrugged “You don’t, I have kept my eye on you.” Sameer gaped at his father and crossed his arms “I understand your wishes and concerns but I do not want to marry an heiress because I may want a person who is a real wife and not a trophy one. No, I am not saying that she might be terrible or whatever but I don’t want such a commitment.”

Damsingh listened to his son, his own temper rising by the minute “Have I not provided enough that you turn out to be so insolent?” Sameer closed his eyes and shook his head “You are the best man and someone I have emulated since childhood, but Babasa I simply cannot marry a stranger! I respect you more than enough but that doesn’t mean I’ll marry anyone you chose. End of discussion.”

Sameer stormed out of the garden, with his father looking on. Biting back a curse, Damsingh growled as his son zoomed off in a car. “Mahesh!” Damsingh barked as his loyal servant came running to him.

“Ji Rana sahab.”

“Follow Sameer and tell me if there’s any woman in his life.”

----

“Sakshi?” Sakshi groaned in pain but fluttered her lids on hearing her name.

Blinking a few times she found Arjun looking at her intently, his face contorted in worry and fear. As she tried to get up, she hissed in pain as her arms throbbed from the beatings.

“Careful!” Arjun exclaimed and helped her to sit. Caressing her swollen cheek, he admonished her as she tried to get up “First of all you don’t tell me if someone’s misbehaving with you! Over that you want to do everything on your own… who do you think you are? Mother India?” Sakshi barely smiled at his mock anger but her disgust and reality came flying back once he held her arm, tenderly applying a soothing paste on her bruise.

His touch…

Gulping, she quietly looked around for her father to find him missing. Betrayer. The few minutes before she fainted came back in her mind and she quietened remembering how her father left her in this house.

“Now you will be perfectly fine, no one will dare to touch you.” Mistaking her silence as her pain, Arjun kept on chatting with her and dressing her wounds. He looked at her glassy eyes and felt affection swell in his heart, she was gorgeous. The soft pink lips, chubby cheeks and dewy eyes. But those eyes were filled with… sadness.

Sakshi jumped out of her skin to find Arjun cupping her cheek, his thumb stroking her cheekbone. “I’ve got just the thing to make you happy.” Not wanting to face anybody’s irritation, Sakshi remained still as Arjun placed heaps of clothes and jewelleries on her lap. His eyes held childlike excitement as he showed them all.

“Do you know how much…” Arjun trailed off seeing her distant eyes, his smile faltered and tears welled up in his eyes. Did she like nothing from what he bought for her?

Tugging on her hand, he drove her attention to the gifts and looked into her eyes “I bought all of these for you. You know, I selected them… each and everyone of them. From the colours to the styles, I made sure everything was perfect. Also…” Arjun opened a box of glass bangles and placed them on Sakshi’s hand.

“Remember you told me that you’ll come with me when I’ve bought you bangles?” He looked into her eyes, hoping to  see a flicker of recognition.

Arjun’s smile faltered as Sakshi pouted further.

“ You barely spoke about the bangles! “Pakka! I’ll buy them for you!” Arjun smiled while Sakshi frowned “Red ones?”

“Pink, blue, red, green, yellow, gold, silver” “That’s enough!” Sakshi giggled and waved her rajkumar a bye as he walked away from her.

“You remember, right? See, I’ve bought glass bangles of every imaginable color. They’ll look so lovely on your wrists.” Arjun paused to take her dainty wrist on his lap and slide a few bangles through. He looked at her face for some emotion but she lay as still as a rag doll, allowing him to play with just as he wished.

Shaking his disappointment away, he raised her hands and clinked them to the chime of her bangles. “Beautiful, right? Especially this pink one.” He sighed, taking in the amaranth red, with slight specs of gold in it. Just as he opened his mouth, his words stopped short on her stony face.

Arjun held her little palm for a while longer and blinked at her, did she not know how much she meant for him? Throughout his life, he was alone. His father saw him as nothing but an heir, his mother never had time for anyone apart for herself and the kitchen… and his brother was just a hollow pillar in his life. He stopped to think about his poor bhabisa, she was just a silent shadow of goodness in his life.

Therefore nothing had prepared Arjun for the innocent and unending attention, love and adoration from his petite wife. From complaining about his grumpy mood to panicking on his littlest of bruises - she had loved him like none. He found peace when she put his head on her lap and and pressed his temples with her small, pudgy fingers to drive away his headaches… just like a mother. Or when she would push him to chase his wildest dreams, vowing to support him irrespective of reality.

“I will never leave you, you are my entire world!” She laughed, the adorable twinkle of happiness in her brown eyes. A much loved Arjun held her hand as she slipped into the bed beside him and promptly fell to sleep. He needed to hear it, every single day that she wouldn’t leave him. Sakshi was all he ever had. All he will ever have.

He had the right over her, for everything…

His trail of thoughts broke when Sakshi sighed wistfully, her eyes lost in a trance of her own. She had barely given a glance over what he had bought for her. Arjun looked at the untouched gifts and felt his heart constrict with pain and fear.

“Did you not like anything? You know, I bought them on my own... just for you.” His tender heart cracked on her ignorance as he woefully slipped the bangles out of her wrist. The tugging snapped out Sakshi and his tears jabbed her. He did love her. She was sure of that. Not knowing what to do, she held his wrist and shook her little head in denial.

Hope fluttered in his heart as she looked through his gifts, her eyes widening slightly at them. There, she was happy. But the smile of his face faltered when amidst all the gifts, her hands reached to grab the pink stuffed teddy bear.

She was just a child.

----

Asha lay wide awake, her hand tugging on to the end of her sari. She quietly slipped to the cupboard and stared in horror as the pills were over. She couldn’t risk herself of getting a child from the monster.

Wrapping a thick, woolen scarf around herself, Asha ran towards the nearest pharmaceutical store.

“Three packets of I Pill, water and a bruise healing gel please.” She handed the pharmacist a crisp note of hundred and walked off, as fast as possible.

Breaking the seal of the bottle, she swallowed and pill and wiped her mouth with the end of her scarf. Darting around a few more times, she looked at her house and sighed. If only she could run away…

“Asha?” Asha stilled and started to run when a man blocked her.

----

No, no, no.

It’s his Sakshi and the only thing he wants to do is… love her. How hard is that? And why is that even bad? Just a bit of care and affection - it won’t harm her!

“You liked the teddy bear?” He asked as Sakshi nodded a few times, her fingers running gently into the toy’s soft fur. “Why don’t you talk to me anymore?” He whined as Sakshi hugged the bear tighter, afraid of his anger.

Did she think he would hurt her?

Arjun growled and pulled her close, his own eyes shining with angry tears “NO! I could never hurt you nor did I ask anyone to hurt you! I will punish them Sakshi… I will. The only thing I want to do is love, please.” Sakshi chewed her bottom lip and gave into his hug, his tears unbearable for her.

“But I don’t want you touch me. If you love me, show me… through your words, gestures. I don’t want you to touch me there, it…” Yet her words remained unspoken as Arjun kept her in his arms.

Sakshi sniffed against his shoulders, lost in a sea of emotions. Yes, she wanted him with her heart and soul but she yearned for her friend… a small smile touched her lips as she recalled their innocent days of friendship. When she had all she could ever ask from him; trust, faith, belief and true love.

Wiping her hot tears, he didn’t know how to lessen her pain. Was she still hurt from his family’s misbehaviour? Is this... Is this how she felt when he slapped her? A startled Sakshi looked up as Arjun held her hand and solemnly vowed “Sakshi, please start smiling again! I promise I will not hurt you ever... Also, you wanted to go to school, right?” A boulder lifted off his chest as the glimmer returned in her eyes “I’ll talk to Babasa and get something done about that. Just be happy, trust me I’ll bring the world to your feet.”

But his hand curled around her wrist served as a cruel reminder for what he had done after years of promise. Sakshi blinked a few times, unable to trust him because she knew… he would never stop touching her. She doesn’t want that, couldn’t he understand that one simple thing?

“Why?” Arjun frowned at her soft question. “Because I love you.” He answered earnestly, the truth shining in his eyes. Gathering a bit of courage, Sakshi cleared her throat and slid her hand off his “B… but I don’t want you to touch me. It hurts and I feel…” Arjun felt his heart breaking to pieces at her confession.

I don’t want you to touch me.

But touch was love…  

Sakshi… the woman he loved ever since he was seven, didn’t love him? Anger and betrayal flashed through him as he grabbed her petite arms and shook her “WHY! I love you so much! I… I bought everything you love and I’ve made you my princess yet you don’t love me? What did I ever ask apart from a little bit of love.” A horrified Sakshi looked into his pained face and tried to tell more when Arjun pushed her aside and walked to the corner of his room, rubbing his tears furiously.

He felt foolish. After years of devoting everything for her, he had to learn that she’s doesn’t want him… doesn’t love him.

“I didn’t say that…” Sakshi squeaked, too frightened to say anything else. Seeing his shoulder shake with sobs, Sakshi began to cry herself “Just my friend, I wanted my friend back who could understand me! Love me! Not a man who…” Her sentence remained incomplete as Arjun turned aside and threw a table wildly, breaking it to pieces.

“I always loved you! Am I not good enough? Since my childhood I’ve done everything to show that… you’re my only friend, my only companion. And you don’t love me…” He broke into tears, sniffing as he felt useless and unloved. Every gesture seemed meaningless, every moment seemed futile.

“No, I am sorry. I do love you… just that…” Sakshi sobbed as Arjun took quick steps towards her, his own eyes wide and glazed. “What did you just s... You said you love me, you do?” He looked on with hope as a puffy eyed Sakshi nodded yes, crying incoherently.

If she was his world, so was he hers.

Cupping her cheeks in his hands, his lips wobbled as he spoke “I ll… love you. You get that? You’re the only one for me. If… if you don’t support me then I will die. Just hold you, touch you… be with you. I only want to love you and get your love back… how much does that cost?”

Sakshi continued to sob softly as he kept on whispering his love to her as a mad man. She loved him too… but she didn’t want to be touched. Her little heart broke when she realised that he simply couldn’t understand that she wanted to be cherished, nurtured and protected.

Yet she couldn’t help but feel her heart tear a little as Arjun cried before her, it was the little boy she was acquainted with - her best friend. An unsteady hand made to his cheek to wipe his tears. Though her body hurt, her heart was strong but naive enough to believe again.

And for Arjun, all that mattered was a gesture of her love for him. Taking her into a fierce embrace, they lay in the bed… a fearful heart beating against an obsessed one.

The touch wasn’t harsh, rather it was the gentlest one he could ever make. One that could spring tears in a lover’s eyes. As Arjun lied wide awake, his arms still encasing Sakshi, he felt fear creep into his heart. A sudden need for validation rose in him.

Was the love still there? Refusal, was that all that was going to come his way?

Denial throbbed in his veins as he turned her frail form towards him, looking into her deep, brown eyes. They were the loveliest ones he had ever seen. But they were unsure, trembling with anxiety. No matter what her words said, he knew and… believed that she rejected him.

Planting soft kiss on her eyes, his lips ghosted near her neck when he felt her breath hitch.

…

She shook, ever so lightly, and turned to look at him with questioning eyes. “Please…” His lips moved against hers while she broke off her resistance.

Only that he failed to realise, that a lack of resistance barely meant acceptance.

----

Dub lub… dub lub

Sakshi felt her heart pound in her ears as she stared at the little swirls of decorative red paint on the ceiling. Her left hand was immobile, sweaty with his grip.

He did it, but it didn’t hurt.

It just killed her, emotionally.

She didn’t have it in her to refuse him…

Taking a few more laboured breaths, she looked beside at a sleeping Arjun, his head resting on her bare shoulder as an arm lay possessively around her waist.

Suffocation, hurt and exhaustion coursed through her. Why… a flash of memories flooded through her mind - some sweet, some bitter, some bittersweet.

With his heart he loved, so strongly, that it left her own shredded to bleeding flesh. Sakshi got up, clutching her little heart, slipping off his hold. Fresh tears ran down her cheeks as confusion hit her anew, her heart felt his love as well as his torment, where could she go to seek the ever eluding peace?

Where could she go…

Go

She had to leave. She needed to leave. Tiptoeing barefoot out of the bed, she looked into the moonless night. Clapping her palms over her ears, she yelled a mute scream. Her body wasn’t her own and her heart had been grabbed as his.

But she had a soul, barely there in spirit, yet it existed. The one that saw dreams and hoped to fly in imagination. A world seized from her.

Grabbing a few essentials and clothes, she knew that she had to leave him.

The boy who was her everything.

From her heaven to her hell,

dream to nightmare,

prince to monster,

He was her all.

----

A/N : Hello people! Quite a heavy update, I agree! But then it's sadistically one of my favorites because from here the actual story starts to kick in! Don't worry if you feel anyone's being left out or you're not being able to understand - type that in your comment and I'll look into it! Your motivation is what makes me want to write more and more :)

It's hard to write such an emotionally driven story when the readership is running dry - kind of affecting the writer's self esteem... so if you're a reader who really likes my work, just let me know! I don't expect paraphrasing of finding meaning of my works, just tell me if you love them or not.

Since the readership is... a bit off, making me doubt if people really read my stuff of just post in 'nice', I might take it off the blog and make it a full fledged book (Like with a story called Oblivion, which was like there in it's baby days and True Lies).

So this story might stop running here and be available at Amazon.

And to all my lovely readers - I love you guys... really, it means more than anything for me!

Last thing - Update time is inversely proportional to comments/response; so the more response, the faster updates. But don't you worry, this story will never be left incomplete!