CHAPTER 4
REPERCUSSIONS
“Ratna… RATNA.”
Ratna jumped out of her thoughts and turned to look at Kailash staring at her weirdly. “Kaha khoi gayi thi?” (Where were you lost?) Ratna sighed and went to the cupboard to get their nightwear.
“Sakshi ki baaton main… woh bohot dari hui dik rahi thi.” (Thinking about what she said… she looked frightened.) Ratna confessed and jumped a little to get his white kurta from the upper shelf. She looked around for a stool when Kailash came next to her and took it.
His fondness for Ratna grew ever since Sakshi had taken birth in the house. Ratna looked up to see a familiar smile on Kailash’s face. This was the only time where she and Kailash would share the same equation. She rest her head on his chest and hugged him tightly.
This was a first for Kailash. He pulled her back and looked into her face. Fifteen years of their marriage did nothing to her. She was still a wonderful beauty. Ratna closed her eyes as he traced his knuckles softly on her cheekbones. She craved for such gentle gestures.
He did feel for his wife but then he was taught to not show any expressions of love to her. That didn’t seem right. There was a line for being proper and it just wasn’t right to let the woman of the house stand on her head. Hence Kailash buried his emotions and found it much easier to be the way he was with her.
For often it appeased the sudden heartbeats and nervousness.
He looked down to find his wife’s face contorted in fear.
“Maare ko Sakshi ki bohot fikar ho rahi hai.” (I am tensed for Sakshi.) “Woh apni ghar pe hai, apni sasuraal pe. Aur Ratna … aaj hi uski pehli raat hai Arjun ke saath. Kal jaana theek nahi lagega.” (She's at her own place. See Ratna, today's he first night with Arjun... our presence tomorrow might give a wrong signal [to Sarpanch]) Kailash smoothened the frowns from her face.
Seeing her dull expression he whispered “Zyaada muh ukda rak ke buddhi ho jaegi! Phir maare ko pehli baar koi aur lugai dhundni…” (If you keep on frowning then it won't be long till you become an old poor woman! Looks like I would have to scout for another wife...) His words stopped as fear flashed across Ratna’s face.
This was what she had feared all the time.
He frowned as Ratna hugged him tightly, “Maare mazak bhi na samaj payi… sab theek hi hoga Ratna.” (You can't even understand my joke? Everything will be fine Ratna.) He never realised why his wife was so scared. There was just one night when she had opened up and he was taken by her openness. It was the night of Holi.
Later he got to know that it was the effect of Bhaang hence she blabbered on without inhibitions. Secretly he wished to see her expressing her feelings but all he ever received was a wife who tried too hard to keep him happy. She was perfection, no doubt but he knew that there was something which drove her to perfection.
Did she fear losing him? But then he wouldn’t marry another.
Ratna’s worry had increased year by year. Even though they’ve had four children till now… none of them had been a boy. What if he went… even for a night to someone else who would bear him a boy?
“Phirse kaha kho gayi?” (Now what are you thinking about?) Kailash asked.
“Kuch nahi… aap ke liye dood leke auu? Akhbaar bistar pe hi hai, aur haan… garam paani bhi rakh diya hai. Aap naha lijiyega.” (Nothing... shall I bring a glass of milk for you? The newspaper's on bed, and yes... I've set the water temperature; you can take a bath.) With that Ratna walked away to do other things.
With most of his daughters off to his in-law’s house, Kailash sought for some company with Ratna. It was strange but then each of his daughter was literally a symbol of the Goddess of Wealth. As each daughter put their tiny little steps into his house, he had flourished like no other.
He couldn’t help but love each and everyone of them.
Especially Sakshi, his first born. She had been born in the middle of the desert and Kailash had yelled helplessly for aid. Seeing Ratna cry her heart out stirred several emotions in Kailash and he had praised the lord when after hours of ordeal the wail of his child echoed in the desert.
Initially he had been upset when the old mausi informed him that the baby was going to be a girl but all that disappeared into thin air when one of the midwives handed him a red wrinkly angel in his arms.
Ratna now lay in a cot, apprehensive of his emotions when a teary eyed Kailash arrived with their child. It was the only time when he had pressed his lips against her forehead and thanked her.
As years passed baby Sakshi literally had her father wrapped around her little finger. Kailash honestly couldn’t be happier as Sakshi flooded him with unconditional love. Right from her birth.
When she was learning Hindi, the first song she recited for her father was “Papa, mere papa.” (Daddy... my darling daddy) Kailash hadn’t been able to stop his tears as his cherubic baby sang out loud, completely oblivious that he was having a meeting with other traders. She unabashedly sang about how loving her father was and how the stars and moon replied that the most loving person was none other than her father.
That was the second time in his life when Kailash had cried. Her sweet voice still rang in his ears, repeating time and again that how loving her father was. If she was her Ratna’s strength and support, then she was Kailash’s weakness and apple of his eyes.
Letting out a heavy sigh, he waited for Ratna to come by. Routinely she sat by the dresser, removed her bangles except for the gold one and undid her braid. Her bangles clinked a little as she ran her fingers through her hair.
Kailash gently patted to the space on the bed next to him. Obediently Ratna climbed up and sat next to him. Fingering the little gold chain clasped around her neck he asked “Baat ke hai? Thare ko aise pareshaan kabhi nahi dekha…” (What's the matter? I haven't seen you this worried before.) Ratna frowned and looked at him “Aap… aap maare liye itne fikar kyu kar rahe hai?” (Y... you are concerned about me?) She asked as softly as possible.
How could Kailash say that he too had noticed how frightened Sakshi was? How could he say that he flinched back seeing the same helplessness he had seen in his wife’s eyes years back? How could he say that he felt guilty?
He coughed and turned stiffly aside, hoping his avoidance of question would make Ratna forget about it.
Ratna thought he got angry and and looked down to her fingers. Probably she should have not cross questioned him. Wasn’t Kailash showing signs of being gentle? She pushed her luck too hard.
Shaking her head she gently nudged him “Ji, maaf kar dijiyega agar maare kisi baat se aap ko bura lag gaye ho.” (Forgive me if I have offended you by what I said.) Kailash’s eyebrows shot to his forehead when he heard her apologising.
Just as he turned aside to clear her misunderstanding did he see Ratna under the thin blanket, setting herself to sleep.
“Ratna?” He called out and Ratna looked up to him. Those eyes… that expression. Sweat broke out on Kailash’s face as his daughter’s helpless confusion flashed before his eyes.
Not knowing what to do to appease the tension of a father’s heart, he hugged a surprised Ratna. While she mistook his intentions for trying for a child, Kailash was hurt that she couldn’t understand his agony.
He could never understand this woman.
As Ratna hesitantly pulled Kailash into a hug, her fingers gently soothed the taut muscles of his back. He was just about to refuse and put back her stole when he felt nimble fingers on his cheek “Sab theek ho jayega, aur jaise aapne kaha… Sakshi toh Arjun ke hi saath hai. Kuch din main toh Deepavali hogi, aap uss bahane se mithai lekar jaa sakte hai na un logo ke ghar?” (Everything will be fine, and didn't you just reassure me of the same? In fact it's Deepavali in a few days... I think it will be the perfect excuse to go their house tomorrow, along with a box of sweets.) Kailash looked at her in awe as she appeased the restlessness of his heart.
True, he could never understand this woman.
~*~
Sunlight streamed through the grid windows of the haveli. A fresh gust of wind enhanced the fragrance of the jasmines lying carelessly across the bed, due to the effect of passion when Arjun had gripped the curtain of flowers and brought the set up crashing down.
Arjun opened his eyes gently and brushed off the few jasmine petals from his chest and Sakshi’s hair. He smiled as a sense of fulfilment and joy filled his heart as Sakshi had held on to him in a death like grip. Humming a little tune he scissored his fingers through her hair and caressed her exposed shoulder.
A warm breath touched his skin and he laughed seeing her sleep with an open mouth. Some things never change!
His silent laugh stopped as he raised her arm to kiss her wrist.
An ugly red purple bruise.
In the throes of passion had he hurt Sakshi? That explains! He must have kissed a bit too hard… no wonder there was tear stains on her cheek. Of course, but then she did enjoy else why would she be holding on to him in the morning?
A patch of blood, right near her flower.
The dark stain of blood stood in sharp contrast to the white bedsheet. Arjun covered his mouth as fear clogged his mind. “Maaf kar de mare ko…” (Forgive me!) He whispered and covered her with the sheet.
Blood meant pain, pain meant hurt.
He hurt Sakshi… Sakshi was hurt by him.
For the first time was Arjun overwhelmed by fear, for he knew that if he had hurt her during their intimate moments then the pain would be way more than a regular bruise or slap. Confusion made his head ache.
Anger pumped through his veins and he gnashed his teeth. But… why? He remember following what he learnt closely and his instinct. Who could help him out?
Masa would probably be busy filing her nails or checking gold… bhabisa? But would he be comfortable asking bhabisa such an intimate question?
Perhaps he could ask her to check on Sakshi.
Grabbing his dhoti and kurta, Arjun ran out of his room… careful to have locked the door silently.
“Arjun… kaisa tha thari raat? Shubh khabar toh ab jald hi ayega.” (Arjun! How was your night? Hopefully we'll get a good news soon!) Baldev grinned while Arjun turned slightly scarlet. “Bhaisa! Shubh khabar? Kis baat ke?” (Brother! Good news... regarding what?) Arjun laughed while Baldev prodded “Bacche ka aur ke?” (Of your child, idiot!)
“Bhaisa… kya aap bhi!” (Brother... what are you saying!) Arjun shook his head and then asked “Bhabisa hai kya?” (Where's sister [in law]?)
“Kyu?” (Why?) Baldev asked “Woh, Sakshi… arrey bhaisa kuch cheezein sirf auratein samajti hai…” (You see... erm Sakshi... see brother, there are some things which only women can understand.) Arjun put forth. Baldev was taken aback by Arjun’s sudden concern, why during his wedding night he didn’t bother about ‘women talk’.
He shrugged his shoulders “Thare bhabisa ko rasoighar ke siva aur kaha milega?” (Go to the kitchen, as if you'll find her anywhere else.) Arjun raised an eyebrow “Aur kaha? Bhaisa… ab muh khulwaoge ke?” (Where else? Now you wouldn't want me to open my mouth!) Arjun received a friendly slap on his back.
“Ja tu… waise aaj subah badi jaldi hua!” (Off! Anyways, today you did wake up pretty early.) Baldev mocked at the time.
Arjun shot him a smirk and ran to the kitchen. Usually he would be up by seven. A slight tinge of crimson caught his cheeks as he realised it was almost ten.
“Lo, thare maharani idhar rasoi ghar main padharengi bhi nahi?” (Will your queen ever set her foot in the kitchen?) His mother taunted Arjun the minute he stepped in. “Aap kaha buddhi hui masa, aap apna jadui haath chalaiye na!” (Oh my dear mother, not a strand of grey has been spotted on you.. has it? Nothing can match up to the magic in your hands!) Arjun winked as his mother twisted his ear. “Accha bhabisa, woh bhaisa aapko bula rahe hai.” (Sister[in law], brother's calling you.) Aasha put back a lock of hair behind her ear and got up.
“Masa…”
“Ab maare muh ke dekh raha hai… khana toh theek se nahi banati hai… jake apni pati ka khayal rakh.” (Quit staring at my face! You can barely cook a decent meal... at least serve your husband!) His mother twisted her nose and then turned to command the other servants.
“Chinta mat kar, lagta hai Masa ki nail polish khatam ho chuka hai.” (Don't worry [Arjun], looks like mother has ran out of nail polishes!) Aasha chuckled while Arjun laughed out loud. “Kya bhabisa! Accha… aapki madat chahiye.” (Haha! Anyways... I needed your help.) Fear grew in Aasha’s heart.
“Bol.” (Tell me.) “Bhabisa… maare ko bohot darr lag raha hai… aap kuch davaiye layenge Sakshi ke liye.” (Sister, am very scared. Can you give me some medicine [that you know is right] for Sakshi?) Arjun asked to find his bhabisa’s face pale.
“Ke hua Sakshi ko…” (What happened to her?) Aasha asked. “Khoon laga…” (She's... bleeding.) Arjun tried to drive out the awkwardness when realisation flooded through Aasha’s face. “Oh… kuch karne ki zarurat nahi, garam pani se uss jagah ko agar dho degi aur garam pani se naha legi toh usse accha lagega.” (Oh.. you don't have to do anything. Probably washing that area with warm wet cloth followed by a warm bath will soothe her.)
“Koi davai ki nahi zarurat? Khoon toh dard ke baat karti hai na!” (No medicines are required?! I mean she's bleeding for Christ's sake!) Arjun asked while Aasha went to her room and handed over a bottle of pills. “Yeh dard mita dega. Dood ke saath dena.” (Give this to her, along with milk.) Aasha smiled while there was a slight disappointment on her face.
“Yeh sab hota hai kya? Bhaisa ne toh mujhe…” (Is this normal? Cause my brother didn't tell me...) “Aur bohot kuch hota hai… thare bhaisa ko aurat ke baare main utna jaan kari nahi hai Arjun bhaisa…” (There are many other things as well. Your brother has a very limited knowledge about women.) Arjun was a bit surprised by her sharp tone, little did he know that she had slipped into a painful old memory.
“Accha chal, main Sakshi ke liye garam pani kar ke rak…” (Anyways, come on. I'll set up the bath...) “Nahi main kar kar lunga uske liye.” (No, I'll do it for her.) Aasha let out a heartfelt smile and cupped his cheek. “Khush raho.” (Bless you.) Arjun bent down to touch her feet and take her blessings. “Arjun bhaisa!” Aasha called out and Arjun stopped “Sakshi ke liye yeh haldi waala doodh, thoda kesar bhi daala hai… usse accha lagega.” (Take this turmeric milk for Sakshi, I've added a bit of saffron as well... she'll feel much better.) Arjun smiled and took the tumbler.
"Oh, Arjun bhaisa... thare bhaisa ko mat bol ke yeh davai maine thare ko di hai. Thare ko pata hai woh kaise hai. Aur yeh davai ko chupakar hi rakhna." (Arjun! Don't tell your brother that I've given this medicine to you, you know how he is. It's best if you keep it hidden.) Arjun nodded obediently and headed for his room. Asha breathed a sigh of relief and hoped that Sakshi would take the contraceptive pill.
As he went back to his room, one thought kept on hitting his mind… why didn’t Bhaisa tell me about the side effects on a woman’s body?
~*~
Chanda ne pucha taaro se, (The moon asked the stars)
Sakshi wept and hiccuped as she ran through her darkness, singing till her voice turned turned hoarse.
Taaro ne pucha hazaaro se, (The stars asked the thousand other stars)
She felt a hand slip into hers as a much younger Arjun smiled at her and began to search for her father.Pebbles pricked her feet as she ran barefeet towards the distant figure, the one who looked so much like her father.
Sabse pyaara kaun hai? (Who's the sweetest of all?)
Sakshi stopped as found her father waiting for her, stretching his arms out for her. Her savior was there. The younger Arjun waved her bye and threw flying kisses as she ran towards her father.
As Kailash picked up his child and twirled her in the sky, Sakshi shouted
Papa… mere papa! (Daddy... my darling daddy)
Kailash hugged his child against his heart and Sakshi reveled in joy and safety when someone tugged her. She broke the hug and found the younger Arjun standing up and smearing vermillion on her forehead. Sakshi looked around in confusion as Arjun grew before her eyes.
Fear leaped in her heart as the surroundings grew darker. She turned around to grasp her father’s hand when she realised that her father was… gone.
Tears swam in her eyes and she found herself groped by a much older Arjun, a sinister smile hovering on his lips. She gasped when she looked into his eyes, love and adoration had dissolved to lust. Turning around to find someone who might help her, pain and betrayal seeped in her heart as Kailash walked away with the younger Arjun. They had left her alone, to be ravished by the older Arjun.
With one hand at her nape and the other tearing off her skirt… she didn’t feel the pain of penetration.
She suddenly felt warmth.
Not the pleasures of bed but just warmth.
She was alone in the desert, stark naked, yet she felt warmth on her flower and a cover on her body.
Warm, soft, soothing. Sakshi moaned a little as she felt a welcomed warmth on her nether region. She opened her eyes gently to find Arjun in front of her, with a wet warm towel in his hand. It took her a minute to realise that Arjun was swiping her body with a warm wet cloth.
His eyes were tender but his face, just like the older Arjun.
The man who raped her.
“Ah!” She gasped and shot up, she clutched the sheet to her neck and stared aside.
The horrors of the night flooded her mind and her throat felt sore from screaming.
“Dood?” (Milk?) Arjun asked and handed her over the tumbler but Sakshi refused.
Refusal.
That was one thing Arjun couldn’t accept.
Her hands trembled and her gut clenched in fear. She wanted to scream and cry but felt herself go still. Arjun’s murderous gaze sent a wave of panic but his silence was terrorising.
The cold silence in the room could easily put any cemetery’s silence to shame. No fear in the world could stand a chance against her dread. Arjun repeated his actions and gently cleaned her up. He dipped his hands in another bowl of water and sat closer to Sakshi.
“Dood pee le.” (Drink the milk.) His voice was devoid of emotions.
Sakshi quivered like a leaf but pushed him aside, causing the milk to spill a little on his kurta. Her eyes widened in fright as she caught the maddening glint in his eyes.
The next second she found herself pushed up against the frame of their bed and the tumbler thrusted against her lips. She moaned in pain as the metal rim burned through the corners of her lips, she could feel blood rush.
“Mare ko thare na sehen nahi hota. Agar main thare ko pyaar se pilata hoon toh tu piyegi. Mare ko na bolne ka haq nahi hai tujhe!” (I DON'T TAKE YOUR NO AS AN ANSWER. I LOVE YOU RIGHT, IF I AM GIVING YOU THIS MILK WITH LOVE THEN YOU WILL DRINK IT. YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO DENY ME.) He glowered in rage and pushed the tumbler harder on her mouth.
Sakshi’s choked cry brought Arjun back to reality. He immediately set the tumbler aside and cupped her cheeks, his heart breaking as bruise lines formed near her mouth. “Oh jaan… mare ko nahi pata tha ki yeh tujhe dard dega. Maaf karde mare ko.” (Oh love... I didn't know that I was hurting you. Please forgive me.) Arjun cussed to himself and gently swiped his thumb over the bruise.
Sakshi broke down and cried in terror, betrayal and pain. Arjun took her delicate body into his arms and shook her gently, cuddling her with all the love he had. “Maaf karde mere ko, main hi gadha hoon. Layak nahi hoon thare pati banne ka! Kaha subha main pyaar se pesh aana chahiye aur main koi jungli jaanwar se kam nahi.” (Forgive me, my love. I am a stupid ar*e. I know I don't deserve to be your husband! Instead of showering you with love this morning... I am being nothing short of an animal!)
“Ae sun… dard ho raha hai ke?” (My love, is it hurting?) He gently tucked her hair and asked her. Sakshi wanted to scream out ‘Yes! I am dying, my heart’s breaking… can you hear it?’ But a whimper was all that she could answer. Arjun looked aside in guilt and held her little palms in his.
“Sun, maar mujhe. Daat de ya phir maare ko ek zor se lath de. Tu na maare se baat hi mat kar. Jo bhi saza dena chahta hai de, bas mujhe chor ke mat ja.” (Listen, hurt me. Shout or kick me! Or even stop speaking to me... just don't leave me.) His voice broke as the dread of her ever leaving him settled in his mind.
Closing his eyes to diminish every bit of the useless anger he had, he cradled her head and gently brought the tumbler filled with haldi kesar doodh before her. “Oh, aur yeh davai bhi di hai bhabisa ne.” (Oh, do take this medicine... sister [in law] gave it.) Arjun passed her a tablet.
Not wanting to get a repeat performance of his rage, Sakshi quickly slurped the milk. Coughing loudly as she choked on the milk, she stared at the man before her. He gently patted her back and passed her a glass of water.
With shaking hands she swallowed the tablet he gave and huddled into the sheet tighter.
Who was the real Arjun? Just as her tender shredded heart began to trust, disgust and terror crept up her skin as he caressed the smooth skin of her back.
That was enough for her heart to lay broken into pieces. Exhaustion and pain numbed her senses. She knew it was futile to say anything to Arjun. “Nahi…” (No) she weakly protested as Arjun carried her to the bathroom.
Sakshi remained stiff as a doll as he bathed her, dressed her and made her up in the way Arjun wished. He never seemed to understand. She wanted to puke when his hands touched her where she didn’t want.
She stared at her reflection in the mirror as Arjun smeared a pinch of vermilion on the parting of her hair.
It was red, just like the blood she shed when he tore through her.
Her neck felt strangled as he tied the mangalsutra. They were black and golden in colour. Just like the men in the house. Decked with gold and blackened hearts.
As Arjun swiped kohl under her lashes, Sakshi chuckled at herself for the apt representation. He had blinded her from the reality. Blinded her from seeing through his faux promises. There was nothing Sakshi could do for herself.
As Arjun pecked her and walked away, tears poured out of her eyes again. The kohl he so decoratively put smudged down with her tears.
She hated it, hated the shringar. With vengeance and loathing running in her veins, she threw off the carefully placed bor and smudged off the sindoor. Seeing the jewels break out of the nathni when she dashed it to the floor, gave her an odd sense of relief.
A knock on the door broke her trail of thoughts. Sakshi barely stood and winced as her hips and flower ached. Trudging towards the door her weary eyes got their glint back as they focused on the man standing before her. Her saviour was back.
The sweets from Kailash’s hands fell as he looked at his bruised and bitten daughter crouching in front of him, Arjun’s teeth marks clearly visible on her pale skin.
Kailash finally saw the repercussions of his actions. Collapsing on his knees, he looked at the state of his princess. His nightmare had come true.
“SAKSHI!” He gasped.
A/N : So yeah, I am sorry it took some time to craft this chapter but now you realise that this is just going to be a Sakshi Arjun story. The parents, family, society... how everything makes a difference. The next chapter will be the one you're all waiting for! Stay tuned and pour in your precious comments!
Beautifully and delicately put up story.. loved the part.. waiting for the next impatiently!
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