Chapter 3
Out of habit, Sakshi found herself sprawled on her husband who had, surprisingly, held her tight.
A sign of guilt.
The only times when Arjun would hold her in a death like embrace were when he had yelled at her, spent their anniversary working on a case or had avoided her like a plague during Roshni’s birthdays or anniversaries.
His avoidances were painful, they were laced with bitterness and alienation - as if Sakshi never existed.
However, he did make up his acts by holding on to her and resuming his role as a husband just as before. It often shocked Sakshi that he seemed unaffected by everything, it was just so easy for him to switch on and switch off.
Being the understanding one, she truly understood the grief Arjun had of losing Roshni. After almost losing Arjun six months back, she connected with what Arjun felt. Hence she stopped showing how his actions hurt her.
She complied further with his silences and that seemed to mellow down Arjun. That was more than enough for her.
Not wanting to let go of this moment, she snuggled closer and thought what had happened to their passionate, six month romance. After all, it had been their untamed desires towards the other that led them to where they are.
December 2010,
“Hi, I am Sakshi Anand!” She buzzed into his office and was slightly surprised at his grunt for an answer.
Okay…
“Sakshi Anand!” Sakshi stressed on her name and found him giving her a slight once over “I heard you the first time.”
“Great, and you’re ACP Arjun Rawte?” Her extended palm still remained in air as Arjun grumbled back “That’s what this nameplate suggests.”
“Are you always cocky or this is your reserved welcome speech?” Sakshi snapped at him while he raised an eyebrow in response.
“Get used to it.”
And that was how Sakshi Anand met Arjun Rawte.
Tossing her hair aside, she marched towards the door to find him engrossed on the glass walls of his cabin. She chuckled to herself, he seemed more of a wanderlust art director type than an infamous super-cop.
Though the sleek muscles peeking from his shirt didn’t just come from sitting behind a desk.
Sakshi paused at the doorstep and looked into the reflection for his stormy eyes. It sent a shiver up her spine. All of a sudden the air grew warmer and her cheeks flushed as she took in those dark irises.
Without another word, she walked away. That wasn’t supposed to be the first feeling of meeting with colleague at work. Calming her heart, she continued popping into people’s cabins and cubicles to meet them.
Arjun let out a soft breath as he heard her heels click away, though, he hadn’t known why his body had suddenly grown so stiff. There was nothing extraordinary about this Sakshi Anand.
Crime Investigator would always be an added feather to any task force; however, he sorely doubted her role in their team.
Nothing prepared him for the vivacious girl who literally walked into his life.
His eyebrows knit as he still smelt the familiar scent of her linger in his cabin. He hadn’t cared if Sakshi was a twenty or an eighty something. Yet for a second he did forget, that he was a man.
Not that women didn’t come knocking on his doors, but Sakshi was something different. Physically he could have sworn that he has seen much more beautiful women but there was something in her posture, her eyes, her hair and the way her hips swung with her gait.
She thrummed with a rhythm that made him take in a breath. He locked his eyes into her reflection on the glass walls as she pouted, then grimaced and walked away… to stop and look back at him.
Her brown eyes turned darker as they looked into his and he took a note as how her cheeks bloomed under his gaze.
This was the first time he saw her face; she wasn’t beautiful… she was exquisite.
And that’s how Arjun Rawte met Sakshi Anand.
March 2010,
Sakshi never understood why she was at the receiving end of his ire every single time. Sameer had given up in trying to stop the daggers thrown at her direction the minute Arjun spotted her. Ayesha had given up in pestering Sakshi to take her own stand.
But for the love of God, she never knew why she took his crap quietly.
Sakshi wasn’t cut out to yell or snap at someone, silence had always been her strength. It
was contrary to her talkative personality but that was the truth.
And this infuriated Arjun further. Having been disgusted of desiring over a woman since eight months after his wife’s demise broke his dam of guilt. Feeling the need and want for Sakshi was her fault.
Today it would be the first death anniversary of Roshni and he vowed to celibacy. Sakshi wouldn’t matter. It was just… just Sakshi getting into his way.
Disgust was what he felt for himself, and for the feelings towards her. He still hadn’t groveled enough for Roshni and he wouldn’t be able to do so, even if it took decades.
He remembered spitting out “You disgust me.” to Sakshi. And there she looked at him, akin to hurt and despair. It took everything Arjun had to tell her that he wasn’t disgusted of her immature act to get an apology out of his mouth (which never came) but rather of the feelings evoked in him due to her.
The effect of her presence on him affected her.
The air always seemed to charge in tension and his senses heightened when she was around. After all, being able to catch her at every step just wasn’t coincidence.
He preferred wearing his aviators or avoid looking into her eyes whenever they came mistakably close. Wouldn’t he kill himself before he let her notice what he felt for her…
It disgusted him further that he just couldn’t name the feeling. It wasn’t lust, even though the desire was evident. It wasn’t lo… no he was never able to do that after her.
What was it?
Sakshi found herself standing in a conundrum, her relationship with Arjun made her question herself. Was she that low to go to a man who had lost his wife a mere twelve months ago? The pain and devotion he had for Roshni was unparalleled.
She felt disgusted of herself, she so wanted Arjun to tell her more as to why she disgusted him. Sakshi so wanted to clarify that she didn’t want to come closer to him.
Even if that tore a part of her heart.
Was it possible to feel this intensely for a man she barely knew? Obviously… wasn’t that the main essence of infatuation?
With a guilty mind she took all the rage Arjun showed and kept mum about it.
February 2011,
Arjun still yelled.
Sakshi still kept quiet.
His devotion to Roshni increased.
Her guilt for falling in love with him increased.
He still didn’t know why he was attuned to her presence.
She still didn’t know why she felt the maelstrom of emotions on seeing him.
March 2011,
Sakshi had never been alien to the knowledge of his dead wife, and with great wisdom she kept herself well out of his reach during the month of March.
Arjun found himself restless and cranky. Every night it haunted to him that his wife died, not knowing that had loved her. That all she would remember would be his mistreatment towards her. That all she would remember was his ignorance of her.
What pained further than hurting an innocent was not being given a chance for redemption. He could never apologise, never beg for her mercy, never give her the love she so rightfully deserved.
His relationship with his parents strained when he realised that they had fed Roshni with lies to marry him.
Her surprised eyes, filling with tears when he would bark at her. Her soft whimpers when he grabbed her hand and asked her to stay out of their room. Her shivering form when he would fling crockery at every corner of their house.
He never hurt her, physically. His anger when she quietly hinted on that lack of physical proximity had left her quaking in fear when he minced his conscience and spewed venomous words.
Guilt flooded in him when he saw her crying herself to sleep, on the couch. She didn’t dare to share the bed with him after the way he behaved with her.
He looked in shame when she would put up an act in front of their parents and friends. He hadn’t missed the fading colours of her sarees nor the paling of complexion. Her makeup boxes were left untouched and the bright sarees, that only a newlywed could wear, found themselves stuffed in a suitcase.
Her eyes were always teary until they showed the signs of resignation.
A jolt of reality passed through his spine when he looked at Riya as an accomplished theatrical actress, her face not bearing a hint of regret. There she was, so full of herself. She didn’t bother of he lived or died, she didn’t bother if she paid the price of their relationship for her dreams.
Look at where she had reached.
And look at where he had reached.
She had turned into a superstar and he had turned into an abusive husband. Roshni’s face came into his mind… what did she ever do to deserve this!
Arjun helped himself with alcohol, his guilt getting the better of him. He felt so helpless in venting out his anger and frustrations on that poor soul.
He needed to apologise, he had to apologise. How sorry he was! He’ll set her free, he’ll be the way she had ever dreamt of.
If only she would forgive him.
“ENOUGH! I’ve had more than enough of your crap Arjun!” Sakshi screamed as Arjun came out of his trail of thoughts.
He looked up to find a fuming Sakshi stare at him, for a minute all that her eyes bore were anger.
“I had done something wrong, hence I accepted each and everything you threw on me… but this, this crossed the line!” Arjun frowned for a minute, trying to make sense of what she was saying.
An equally confused Ayesha and a fuming Sameer stood before Sakshi.
“I d… don’t under…” Arjun looked up to find Sakshi biting back her tears. “Arjun do you have any idea how much this job means for me? It is much more than the paycheck at the end of the month. It means everything for me. It’s my ll… life! It’s…”
Sakshi broke into incoherent sobs as she flung out accusations at him and Sameer gave him a disappointing look. Sameer ushered Ayesha away from the room while Arjun took a step close to Sakshi.
“What’s it with you? You hate me to this extent. Fine, I agree it was my mistake to take Roshni’s file without asking from you… and what did you do?” Sakshi bit out and Arjun stepped back, his face whitening drastically.
“Sakshi I never filed it! That report I just made… out of ang…” Arjun started but Sakshi raised her hand. “You got me sacked from my job stating that I was stealing evidences. I am
going to get penalised in court as well… you really made my life Arjun!” Sakshi cried out.
“Why?” She muffled her sobs while Arjun looked horrified.
“Sa…”
“Oh shut up! Do you know how I felt when Cohelo called me up and sacked me from the job that took me years to get! Do you know how I felt when I’ve been stripped of every honour and award I have received! Roshni’s murder file was a mistake, A BIG MISTAKE. I didn’t want to look into her file.” Sakshi cried out and ran away while Arjun stared, in shock.
“YOU’VE RUINED ME!” Her words sent Arjun back in the past.
A loud slap echoed in the room as Arjun staggered onto his feet. Roshni’s palm stung from the slap and she removed her suitcase.
“Roshni I… I didn’t mean…”
“No Arjun, I don’t know what you mean! Haven’t you ruined me enough that you decided to ruin me physically too! I always sought comfort that the ba****d of a husband I have will never touch me or sexually force himself on me. But…” Roshni broke down and wiped her tears with the edge of her dupatta.
“NO! Roshni I swear I meant to hug.” Arjun stumbled and held her hand while Roshni tugged it away. “Drunk? I know you very well Arjun, you could never mean to hug me unless you want sex.”
Arjun groaned and hit his palm “I am so sorry, I can make up my whole life for my behavior. I am sorry, please give me a chance Roshni…” Arjun held his throbbing head while nausea swirled.
His world turned black.
“Aah!” A yelp brought Arjun back to reality and he rushed out to find Sakshi holding on to her ankle. Her eyes widened in fright, then anger as she noted him coming close to her.
“Don’t even think!” She snapped at him and almost screamed as Arjun took her into a fierce hug.
“I am sorry, I can make up my whole life for my behavior.” He pressed soft kisses to a highly shocked Sakshi’s hair. “ I am sorry.” He mumbled repeatedly while Sakshi thought if indeed there was some loophole in her getting arrested.
Her anger was eaten off by the pain in her ankle and his apologies found their way into her heart.
Not that she would forgive him. However, she opened her mouth to speak “Arjun…”
“Please give me a chance Roshni…” Sakshi still in his arms and broke apart from his embrace “It’s Sakshi.”
Sakshi wasn’t hurt, she was surprised.
The tears in his eyes shook her core.
What had he done to Roshni? And for the first time, Sakshi felt fear.
September 2010,
Sameer and Ayesha still had their mouths hanging open as Arjun and Sakshi sat side by side, sipping on their respective cups of tea and coffee, discussing a case.
Arjun hadn’t ripped Sakshi’s throat.
Sakshi hadn’t flung any papers on his face.
How the hell had this happened?
In six months Arjun had worked out that the report was handed over to Cohelo by mistake. Cohelo wasn’t ready to take back the case but Arjun had taken his own time explaining the matter. Sakshi forbid Arjun from telling it spurred from solely his actions since that would
put his job at risk.
Later they had found the peon snooping around with the file and upon confession he said that Sakshi’s channel colleagues didn’t want her to soar in ETF due to rivalry.
With all said and done, Sakshi found herself back in ETF with an apology note from Cohelo and a much more polite Arjun.
None said anything about the previous hug, neither about the accidental touches nor eyelocks.
Arjun had made peace with himself and let matters flow, all he knew that he won’t give any wrong signal to Sakshi. Her presence made his mind calmer and for once, he didn’t fight it.
Sakshi had made peace with herself and let the reign over her lose fall lose. She knew that she wouldn’t hint anything to Arjun nor expect anything from him. She had fallen in love with the devotion he had for his dead wife.
September 2011,
“Thank you…” Arjun half smiled as Sakshi handed him a tiffin box.
“Please Arjun… it’s fine.” Sakshi said as she unpacked the lunch on the bed table and kept the bunch of lilies aside.
“You are so intrusive.” He grumbled and Sakshi, no longer irritated by his grunts, smiled cheekily at him and continued to set the table.
“Maine ek baar kya kehdiya ki ghar ka khaana…” Arjun shut up as Sakshi glared at him and shoved a piece of roti sabzi into his mouth.
Not that he could protest.
He was recently shot down while chasing down a few drug smugglers. While Sameer caught the perpetrators and sent them to jail, Sakshi wheeled Arjun to the hospital.
One bullet passed through his right shoulder, disabling him from using the right hand, and the other missed his heart by inches.
For the first week Arjun slipped in and out of coma, on the second he gained consciousness.
“Thanks.” He murmured softly while Sakshi feigned a heart attack at his gesture.
They drew the fragile bond of friendship, neither trying to focus on her fingers grazing his lips nor his lips kissing her fingers time and again.
That was wrong.
March 2012
Arjun sat still as the Pandit recited verses for Roshni’s barsi. Guilt killed Arjun as her face smiled through the photograph.
The blackness seeped out and all Arjun remembered was a soft patting on his forehead. He blinked to clear his bleary vision and found a concerned Roshni looking at him.
“Rosh…” He was cut off as Roshni passed him a few medicines. “You drank too much.” She added dryly. “I am going back to my parents’ house.”
Arjun shot up from the bed and held her hand “Please Roshni! Just give me one chance.” He pleaded while Roshni squinted her eyes and sat next to him. “Arjun, I’ve always had simple dreams. I never wanted a Mills and Boons hero to swing me to safety nor did I want a grand life. How much does an understanding husband and a good life cost?”
“Roshni…” Arjun groaned while Roshni wiped her tears “Ek din main aisa kya ho gaya? For the past three and a half months you have treated me like nothing and suddenly you’re in this mode of… no… I can’t live in this fear of when you’ll scream at me or break some stuff.” Roshni nodded her head vigorously while Arjun held her shoulders and asked her to wait.
“What do you want Arjun? A child? Is that why suddenly you’ve realised you need me? Or wait… have you been having an affair and then she left you. You love someone else right? You could’ve told me on the first day and we could have… separated or something. Mere sapne toh nahi toot te na.” Roshni hiccuped and turned aside while Arjun held her hand, gently.
“Roshni, I did love someone… for more than ten years.” He confessed.
Roshni looked up and mellowed at his solemn eyes.
“But she didn’t want to settle down with me. She just… left me.” Arjun broke down and told about Riya.
Everything about them.
After a minute of silence Roshni looked up, sniffing slightly “I was a rebound, right?”
“I am so sorry Roshni… for everything.” “Mujhe toh sirf pyaar hi chahiye tha,koi armaan tha hi nahi.” Roshni whispered as Arjun brushed away her tears.
She allowed herself to be taken into his embrace as she cried her heart out. “I can’t trust you.”
“You don’t have to, let me make myself worthy of it.”
One week had passed with Arjun trying his level best. Not that equations had changed overnight but yes, she had stopped crying herself to sleep.
Her patience and strength bought Arjun. He couldn’t believe it but it was true… he may never love her the way he loved Riya, but he felt just as much for her.
Through the next week he kept on throwing hints through the smallest of gestures. He knew his apology still needed time and everything else too needed time.
But he would tell her, that he does love her.
To only find her dead body greet him that night.
Some gangsters had killed Roshni because Arjun had arrested and jailed two of their men.
She had suffered, for no reason of hers.
The pain and suffering was too much to bear, finally would the poor girl get the happiness of her life but…
He never got to protect her, never got to love her, never got to apologise enough
She just lay there, blood oozing out of her ripped flesh.
~*~
Chapter 4
Continuation…
Arjun snapped out of his thoughts as Sakshi called him.
“Sorry Arjun, I wouldn’t have called today but there seems to be an emergency at the ETF…”
Later, Sakshi dropped of Arjun while he passed a weak smile as an answer. “All ok?” Sakshi asked as Arjun mumbled “Yes.”
The stumbling of his feet didn’t go unnoticed. Sakshi walked up to an exhausted Arjun and helped him get to his room.
Tucking him gently into his bed, she smoothed the wrinkles on his head and sighed. Concern rose in Sakshi as his skin seemed feverish. Scouting the drawers for medicine, she stumbled across Roshni’s diary.
“Yy.. you’re still here?” Sakshi nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard him. “Yes, you had fever.”
Sakshi handed him over his medicines and waited for Arjun to stabilize himself. “Thanks.” He muttered as he sipped on a warm cup of milk.
“No problem.”
“I miss her.” She stopped as she heard him whisper into the air. Sitting beside him on the bed, she covered his palm with her little one and urged him to continue.
“She was, now that I think more deeply, gorgeous. Utterly gorgeous. Soft, warm eyes and a lovely peachy skin. I could never kiss her, never hug her, never apologise to her.” His eyes grew distant as her face haunted him, again.
“You know Sakshi…” He turned to find her looking at him with rapt attention.
“Hmm…” She replied.
“It is painful, painful to fall in love with your beloved after she’s dead. It was guilt that had stimulated me to care for her for the two weeks before she was murdered. But after she left me… I realised that I… I couldn’t live without her. Somewhere I still hear the soft chan chan of her payal… the clink of her bangles…” His eyes glazed with pain as hot tears rolled down his stubbled cheeks.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath “I can still smell it. Jasmine, she smelt of night jasmines. Couldn’t ever tell her how that drew me to her.” Arjun sighed and didn’t bother to wipe the tears that leaked from his eyes.
“I can’t live anymore Sakshi… it’s too painful. Everything is painful. She was right in leaving me, there was some defect in me.” Little had Sakshi known that he had been referring to Riya instead of Roshni.
“Nn… now you.” Arjun looked at her.
“Me?” Sakshi stilled, fear and denial coursing through her veins.
“You… there’s something. I don’t want you, but I do. I loved her, but I am responsible for Rosh… aah.” Arjun yelled and buried his head in his palms.
I don’t want you, but I do.
The confession sent Sakshi reeling. She held onto Arjun and shushed him like a mother.
The next morning Arjun got up to a fresh cup of cutting chai and a smiling Sakshi. He couldn’t have been more grateful that she hadn’t brought up what he had said before.
“Breakfast is ready.” Sakshi called out as she dished out neer dosa. The domesticity of the scene hit Arjun but he decided to keep mum.
“I am fine, but thanks for the breakfast though. Thanks for everything.” Sakshi was stunned at his rushed speech but gave him a brilliant smile.
Arjun felt compelled to thank Sakshi as he remembered Roshni’s anticipatory face when she had cooked something for him. His eyes shut as he recalled his dastardly behaviour but came out of the zone as Sakshi collected their plates.
Just as he headed back to collect his wallet, he noticed Roshni’s diary on his dressing table.
Strange, that wasn’t there before.
“Sakshi!” Arjun yelled, his blood boiled with the thought that she would be touching his wife’s things.
Perhaps the recent circumstances had given her a different picture.
The smile on Sakshi’s face faded as she caught onto his angry face. “Arjun? Kya baat…”
“Just because you stayed here over the night and fed me breakfast, that doesn’t give you the right to touch her things.” He growled while Sakshi shook her head.
“Arjun, that diary..” “SHUT UP. From whom did you take permission? You have NO RIGHT to touch her things, am I clear?” He barked while Sakshi took a step back.
“Arjun, it’s just a diary… it was on the floor so I picke… aah…” Sakshi whimpered as he grabbed her arms “It’s not just a diary. It’s Roshni’s diary… do you understand? You fu****g don’t touch her things without my permission. Maine khud uske kisi bhi cheez ko haath nahi lagaya, tum kaun hoti ho?”
Sakshi moved restlessly in his merciless grip and blinked hard to prevent the tears coming in her eyes. “Arjun, control your anger. And… leave me!” She pushed him away and tried to keep standing on her wobbly knees.
“I…” his words stopped as he saw the tears pool in her eyes… damn it! Arjun cursed and held his throbbing head, what the hell was he thinking? He couldn’t vent out his anger on a person who was barely connected to the matter.
Sakshi grabbed her bag and began to run out to get caught in his hold. Arjun closed his eyes “I am so sorry, I just don’t know what happened and got over me.”
Sakshi wriggled out of his arms to only find herself in an uncomfortable hug. “Arjun please, pehle to tum acche se pesh aate ho… then all of a sudden you’re in this insulting best. Mujhe tumhari madat karne se bhi darr lagta hai.”
“I am sorry.”
“Just leave me.”
“NO. I SAID I AM SORRY.” Arjun yelled and caught her tighter, Sakshi opened her mouth to say something but kept quiet.
He was fighting with himself, for the feelings her had for her.
His anger frightened her and somewhere down the line Sakshi knew that he wasn’t fine.
“It’s ok… I… I forgive you.” She murmured and watched him calm down and nod stiffly.
Sakshi didn’t even know when she began to compromise.
November 2012
“Arjun, are you set on receiving an award for the most number of bullet injuries?” Sakshi rambled off while Arjun looked at her with an affectionate glance.
“I am fine, aren’t I?It’s two weeks since I have been completely healed but you’ve not stopped ranting, having you?” Sakshi glare shut Arjun as he stepped into his apartment.
“Here’s your stuffs and you’re in house arrest for a minimum of one week. Don’t bother about food, I’ll bring. Also, I’ve paid the maid extra for laundry so you’re doing nothing in your home except for relaxing. Sameer also told me that you were close to getting a stroke. I mean STROKE! And you aren’t even thirty. That’s it… I am not taking anything…” Arjun heard her voice disappear as she moved around his house.
After a few hours he watched Sakshi hover over his dinner like a mother hen.
“I am done, Miss Warden.”
“You are welcome for the compliment! Anyways, until and unless you’re in your bed I am not leaving your home.” Sakshi shot a stern glare at Arjun and sat to complete her dinner.
Over the months their friendship had evolved, handling his anger and assuaging his fears mainly led to a calmer version of Arjun.
Even though Arjun would never admit, he loved being the center of love and attraction. During his relationship with Riya, he used to be the Sun of his Universe and the loss of her presence in his life held a deeper impact than what it resonated.
Thus his attraction for Sakshi increased day by day but that was something that even he was unbeknownst of.
As he washed his hands and headed to change his clothes, Roshni’s diary slipped from the drawer and fell on the floor. Just as he was about to shut the diary, the word forgiveness stood out.
Fear and vulnerability attacked his senses. Slumping down on his bed, he read;
I know he feels for me and that he loves me. It’s strange, for the last three months with this man was close to torture, but now as I delve deeper into understanding Arjun I realise that he’s nothing but a broken man. Still nursing an age old heartbreak. It’s my fate that I had to be at the receiving end of his ire.
Understanding his confused personality does not exempt him from what he did to me, neither does it grant him innocence but the fact that no adulterated motives behind his emotionally abusive behaviour makes me feel better. He never wanted to hurt me to hurt me or enjoy me being hurt.
He wasn’t a sadist and he wasn’t having an… affair. I know we weren’t anything close to a couple but still if I had known that there’s another woman in his life, it would have broken me.
I know he loves me, I can see it in his eyes. He thinks i don’t realise… silly he! I’ve spent three months analysing his cold eyes, does he think that I won’t see the sudden glimmer of warmth in them? I feel a quiet joy in seeing him step out from the shadows of the past. The love in his eyes is true, I
almost want to succumb in the emotions he has for me but I will wait and give it time.
It seems to good to be true, if I were to even die at this moment… I would be happy. My husband did love me, even if it was for a few days.
I forgive Arjun, completely. Nursing a grudge against a man who’s wanting to redeem himself won’t help either of us. I won’t forget what happened and trust won’t be developed over a night’s span… but I know that this is the foundation of a relationship that we can have.
I forgive the man who loves me.
- Roshni
Sakshi walked in, concerned as she didn’t hear from him over half an hour. She stopped short as she noticed Arjun crouched over Roshni’s diary, tears rolling down his cheeks.
“Arjun!” She started but stopped midway, waiting to know if her presence was required or not. Arjun shifted lightly on his bed and beckoned Sakshi to sit next to him.
“She forgave me.” Arjun whispered, his fingers furiously rubbing away the tears that marred his sandpapery cheeks. “Anyone would. Especially if they know that your reason to hurt them is not because you want to see them hurt… it’s because you’re struggling with yourself. Let it go Arjun… let it go.” Sakshi patted his head like a child’s while Arjun looked at Sakshi, stunned.
“She said the same thing.”
Sakshi gave a warm smile “Because she felt a lot for you and understood you.”
“And you?” Arjun asked.
“Me?” Sakshi replied, albeit hesitantly.
“How and why do you understand me so much? I’ve only been a mean bas***d with you but you forgive me each and every time…” Arjun shut the diary and caressed the worn edge of it.
“Probably because it makes people blind.” Sakshi whispered to herself but it was loud enough to catch the cop’s ears.
“You love me, don’t you?” Sakshi shuffled her feet and abruptly got up to find Arjun holding on to her hand.
“I killed them, the guys who killed Roshni. The men in the encounter were them.” Arjun stated.
“I feel… lost. I don’t know what to do… I don’t know what to say… I don’t, don’t know anything.” Arjun blinked and held her hand tighter.
Hold on to me, he begged.
Weakened by her feelings, she embraced him as tight as she could and patted him to sleep.
He was vulnerable, weak and lost.
And lord she would give anything to have him back on his feet.
The next day
Arjun woke up in her arms and stared at the woman in front. What he felt for Sakshi puzzled and frightened him. There was this unquenchable thirst and longing for Sakshi yet it wasn’t the the amorous love he had nurtured for Riya.
However, she was the only one to make him feel human after Roshni’s death.
It felt nice to be loved and cuddled, he couldn’t remember the last time he felt such. His heart felt constricted with the sudden warmth.
Selfish that he was, everything disappeared apart from the opportunity at happiness.
He gently brushed his fingers across her forehead.
He loved her and was guilty of it.
She loved him and was in denial of it.
Arjun wasn’t unaware of being a difficult man to live with, yet she stayed with him through thick and thin.
She didn’t obey him but tried to understand him and unravel him, find reasons for his behavior.
He doubted if he was even worth that. Did he deserve her? A chance at happiness?
With trembling lips, he pressed a wary kiss on her forehead to be greeted with a soft sigh and a small smile.
“Morning.” He whispered to a confused and hesitant Sakshi, who just stared at him… trying to predict his reactions.
“Morning.” She whispered back and combed through his thick, black hair. Sakshi was sure that this was a dream… no way would Arjun allow her to caress him as such.
With morning sleep still heaving on her eyes; she boldly stroke his nape and cheek, earning an approving groan from him. “I want to be with you.” He breathed into her ear as he brought her closer.
“But… will Roshni ever forgive me?” Arjun looked into her sleepy eyes as Sakshi nodded softly “She will forgive you, for you’ve truly wanted her happiness. You’ve repented and redeemed yourself. Moreover, you’ve gone every inch for her. She will forgive you.”
They lay by each other for quite a few minutes. None knew who moved first and how it led to this.
But all Sakshi remembered was his relentless hot mouth on hers with the rustle of clothes.
She gave in and yielded against his muscled frame as he loved her like a man possessed.
Quaking with the aftermath of their passion, Arjun ran a calming hand down her bare spine as she rest her head on his chest… catching her breath.
“Marry me…” She whispered a few minutes later.
Everything seemed strange and wrong. He wasn’t over his dead wife and yet they claimed each other and she proposed marriage. A wave of humiliation and rejection coursed through her body as she came back from the stars.
Pushing herself apart from him, she hid herself in the blanket… mortified with her actions.
She felt him leave the bed and that made Sakshi feel even more worse.
The signs of pleasure were long replaced with the feeling of sin. The after effects of her first seemed so terrible until he walked to her side and lifted the blanket to cup her teary face.
“I’ve always wanted to…” He smiled.
Soon Sakshi had shifted into his apartment and had married him within two months. They were unstoppable, being with each other at every other moment. Arjun couldn’t let go of Sakshi for she gave him the essence of living and for Sakshi… Arjun was her everything.
The days were spent in bliss and the nights were in passion. But her dreamland came to a rude halt on Roshni’s death anniversary followed by Arjun’s distancing attitude. He never voiced it out but her own insecurities coupled with his guilt erected a huge barrier between them.
She tried to give everything, compromise to whichever extent possible to hold on to her… to make him say that he’s always wanted to be with her, again. There’s wasn’t a part of her that wasn’t transformed to his liking but two years later, she still found herself married to a man she completely didn’t know about. He played his part as the perfect husband but the lover she’d experienced in the beginning was lost with time.
Thus it hurt so much… so much when his eyes screamed of every emotion she was alien to just on the sight of a strange woman.
Arjun had cried out once that Roshni was more than a rebound… was that woman thefirst woman in his life?
How much power could their love have that it completely transformed the man in front of her… suddenly Sakshi felt too weak.
She wanted to hold on to Arjun and not want him to get attracted to that woman, but truth be told… she had nothing to hold on to.
Feigning sleep she watched Arjun get up, press a kiss to her forehead and walk away.
She waited, waited for him to come round the bed and say “I’ve always wanted to be with you.”
That didn’t happen.
She just kept waiting.
---
“Congratulations…” Arjun turned behind to find Riya giving him a faint smile.
“May I…” She asked and Arjun nodded stiffly and shifted slightly on his right, making space for her.
“You moved on, marriage eh?” Riya smiled while Arjun sighed “You never stopped for me, did you?”
“Arjun, I didn’t mean to rise all this…”
“Why Riya? Just one question… why did you leave me? Kya main itna bura aur ghatiya tha…” Riya moved restlessly on the sand and looked at an older, pained Arjun.
She cringed to think that the innocence and happiness was ripped out of his, just due to her.
“Sorry, really sorry.” Riya whispered.
“Sorry?” Arjun laughed mirthlessly.
“Arjun… I… I was swayed. You were wonderful… it’s, it’s my mistake.” Riya sniffed slightly while Arjun glared at her and grabbed her arms. “Sorry? Your mistake… you realise this after all these years! YOU REALISE THIS NOW! I ruined Roshni because of how you left me!”
Riya couldn’t help but hold on to him, relishing in the familiar pain yet agonised that he wouldn’t be hers.
“I am sorry ok, and don’t put the onus on me! Roshni seemed very happy with you, whate…”
Arjun gaped at Riya as if she’d grown another head. “When did you see her?”
“Abhi… you both seemed very happy and honestly that’s all I wan…” Riya stopped laughing
as Arjun laughed, though his eyes held immense anguish.
“That’s Sakshi… my Roshni died years ago. Murdered.” Riya gasped as his eyes became teary. “S.. so sorry.” Arjun broke down at the comforting hand on his shoulder.
Still holding on to her he spoke “I could never love her, for three months I treated my precious like a piece of shit… you know why?”
Riya was too fearful to know the reason “Please…. don’t.” She mumbled while Arjun gripped her closer “Kyun? Darr lag raha hai? I kept on loving you after my marriage and Roshni bore the brunt of everything. I was lost and broken after you left me… I couldn’t even make love to Roshni because I was haunted by the way your skin felt beneath my fingertips. There’s nothing I have forgotten till date, your mouth, your scent, your skin… everything.”
“I am sor…” “Will that change everything!? At least you could have given me an answer as to why you are leaving me. You didn’t even deem me worthy of that!” Arjun barked at a pale Riya who understood the gravity of her actions.
If only…
“I… thought you’ll move on…” Riya looked aside as how poor her words sounded to her ears. “Move on?” Arjun chuckled and held her closer “Have you seen my life Riya? I have moved on beautifully, right?”
“Ss… Sakshi?” Riya asked, hoping that he would say she’s everything to him… even if it broke her heart to hear that.
“Just because we had a smile on our face doesn’t mean everything's perfect.” He growled. “Did you ever love me Riya? Ever? Was I just a time…”
Riya placed her fingers on his lips and shook her head “No… I was swayed by time and people. I did love you, a lot. But I am happy that you’re well and good with Sakshi…”
“Happy with Sakshi? Yes there’s trust and faith and the longing I have for her… but I couldn’t love her the way I loved you. My heart doesn’t jump with joy when I see her, my blood doesn’t pound in my ears when she speaks to me, I don’t see the universe before my
eyes when I make love to her…”
Riya shut her eyes as visual images of them came in her mind “Look at me damn it!” Arjun growled and pressed his forehead to hers “Why! Why did you leave me like this? Tell me you found another guy and probably happy with him… I swear I won’t look back at you or torture you with my questions.”
“I just thought… y.. you were a hu… hurdle to my… career.” Riya choked and broke down as agony flashed across Arjun’s face. “Ten years, ten years you spent with me to come to this conclusion…. arrey main tumhare khushi khushi apna jaan de deta!” He cried in frustration.
“Ever since I was eleven, you were my everything. The Sun of my Universe… my love, do you understand that? You left me broken! Unable to love another being.” Arjun cried out while Riya shook violently in his arms.
“Dd.. don’t cry…” “How can I not! You broke me Riya… completely. I loved you so much, still do…”
“Forgive me. I realised I love you… but only after I lost you.” Riya confessed and took him into a fierce embrace, hoping the pain would ease away from their heart - leading to a calmer future.
A stifled gasp broke their hug.
Arjun turned and was left reeling in shock,
Even the dead body of Roshni didn’t have the twisted pain nor emptiness in her eyes as his wife of two years stared right back at them.
Sakshi had died, then and there.
A/N : I know you all might be wanting to kill me after this update! Ok, listen... this isn't going to lead to a series of One Night Stands between Arjun Riya or an extra marital affair, neither will you see Sakshi flinging divorce papers on his face. Well this story is dealing with three flawed and vulnerable people tied in sacred bonds. Give the characters a bit more time, and who knows... someone else might pop in too!
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