picture credit : sweetp_554's Bucket
~*~
“You weren’t supposed to mean that much to me…
And I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you…”
Chapter 1
Sakshi paced to and fro in her living room… it was 5 minutes to 6 in the evening… and it was a Saturday…
It was strange that she found little bit of her girlish desires alive… she put on a sky blue colour kurti.. it was his favourite colour… she got to know that from Sameer… he barely spoke about himself…
As she wound a matching lace white scarf around her neck she sighed… it was not as if he would ever notice… he never noticed anything about her… though that night reflected something else… but then that was a few months ago…
And tears welled up her eyes as she recalled his indifference… she kept aside the kohl that was amidst her fingers…
She put some perfume and sat on the couch… her fingers clasping and unclasping… his chai kept in a flask…
Just as it was six she opened the door to find him standing… in a crisp lime green shirt and blue jeans…
A small smile broke on her face seeing him… “Hi..” she said…
He nodded and entered her house…
It was the same, every Saturday, at 6 pm sharp he would be there to visit her…
To stay for an hour… that would be a treat for her… most of the times it would be a few minutes, or in short as long as the tea in the glass remained…
“Kaisi ho…” he asked her… even though his gaze was fixed on the newspaper… he barely knew how much it hurt her when he posed to be indifferent to her…
“Hmm… aaj jaldi jaana hai kya?” her eyes flicked towards his dark intent orbs…
“Hmm… kaam hai…” he answered and finished the tea in one go…
Work on Saturday evenings?
She sighed… the tea getting over meant that it was his time to leave…
“Doctor ne kaha ki sab kuch theek hai…” Sakshi answered…
“Hmm…” he answered… skimming through the different pages…
How hard was it for him to just look at her?
Would he even bother to see that he wore his favourite coloured kurti?
“Woh high BP ke liye doctor ne kaha ki I must have some medicines…” finally at that mention his eyes flicked towards hers… he frowned slightly…
“How?” he asked…
“Woh… it’s genetic… I know it’s slightly strange… but par dada se yeh hai… anyways… so yeah… woh kuch medicines… khareed ne the…” Sakshi answered…
“Give me the receipt… main khareed lunga…” he answered… and got up to leave…
“I bought them already…” she looked at his stoic face… he frowned a little…
Am I not capable enough to buy something for you?
“Oh…” he muttered and left… that’s it…
That’s it… her eyes welled up and she broke to tears… he just looked at her… sobbing uncontrollably…
He was confused and perplexed by her behaviour… he tried to do everything to make her feel good… come on… every Saturday he came to see her… at 6… and speak with her… did this mean nothing for her?
Is he so good in keeping her unhappy?
He raised his hand to comfort her when she finally spoke the words that shattered his ground…
“Am I so much of a problem Arjun ke tum ek baar khayal rakkho yeh nahi bol sakte kya?” she sobbed… looking at the emotionless man in front of her…
“Woh… I do mean that…” Arjun said uncertainly…
“Yeah… obviously you mean every word which you don’t say… can I ask you one thing…” she wiped her tears away… he looked at her… discomfort etched on his face… oh yes… how could she forget… he hates to see emotions…
“Sorry for crying…” she said and composed herself…
“Just mood swings…” she explained towards the man who didn’t even question her… even the only emotion that he ever showed to her - anger… that also was a distant friend of hers…
“Hmm” he said and nodded…
“Why did you love me that night?” she bluntly posed the question…
He shuffled his feet and tucked his hands in his pockets…
She smiled wryly… whenever she asked this question it meant that he would be leaving…
And before her eyes… he just left… had her eyes not been fixed to his lips she wouldn’t have caught the words… take care…
She slumped on the couch and hugged a pillow tightly…
She took her phone in her hands… toying around his contact…
She bit her lower lip and decided to send a message to him…
Then she decided to call him… that would be the best…
“Bolo Sakshi…” his gruff voice asked…
“Woh Arjun… it’s fine… you can stop coming altogether… I don’t need you to go through this strenuous exercise of visiting me every Saturday when you have work…” she told… her voice shaking… he didn’t even have an idea how much it would have hurt her to tell him this…
A minute’s silence followed…
“Arent’ you bl**y going to say something!” she almost yelled at him…
“Umm… it’s your decision…” he almost whispered on the phone…
Sakshi closed her eyes out of frustration…
“Anything else Mr. Arjun Suryakant Rawte…” she half sobbed…
Another minute’s silence followed…
“Why?” he asked… his voice sounded throaty…
“Cause I can’t see the fact that how much of a burden I am to you… uss raat kya hua… mujhe khud nahi pata ki kyun hua… it must be so difficult for you to come and see me every Saturday jab main duniya ki akhri insaan hoon jiska shakal dekhna chahte ho tum…” she spoke… her anger rising per sentence…
He remained silent…
“Waise bhi I will report you if the doctor says anything…” she spoke… her heart hoping that he would say that… no… I want to meet you…
But he kept quiet…
She wiped aside her tears…
“Arjun… are you even there on line?” she blasted…
“Hmm” he replied…
“Yeah so… you have anything to say?” Sakshi asked… her voice faltering…
“You blo**y have nothing to say all the time… all you want to do… I know… throw me out of your life if you had half of the opportunity…” she sobbed…
And that blew his fuse…
“What? Argh… Sakshi what can I ever do to make you happy? I visit you weekly yet you have a trouble with that! I told you na ki I can’t give you Roshni’s place in my life… that night was a mistake… a terrible mistake… you get that… pata nahi tum kya chahte ho mujhse… what do I friggin do… it is difficult to me to meet you cause every time I see you it adds up to my guilt of having cheated Roshni… samaj nahi aata hai tumhe…” he blasted on her… he stopped his car and banged his hand on the wheel…
It’s after he hears her muffled cries on the phone that he realised the gravity of what he spoke…
“I never wanted her place Arjun… I respect the fact that you loved her… and also the…” she pauses to compose herself…
“And also the fact that you will always love her… I didn’t want any of the things that you are doing Arjun… I just wanted our child to have her dad’s name… that’s it…” she choked out…
Arjun closed his eyes…
“I know Arjun that I am unwanted… but don’t you dare say anything like that against our child okay… she may not be wanted by her father… but her mother loves her… so just friggin stop coming to my house… it creates nothing but more issues… you know what… just don’t be near me or our… my child… I just want you to stop doing favours… stop buying medicines for me… stop showing your fake presence… I give you your freedom… just do anything that you want Arjun… I am not going to be dependant on you…” she shouted at him..
“Moreover I don’t want to be dependant on you… so forget that I ever existed in your life… nothing more than a colleague… I will continue to work in the ETF… nothing ever happened between us…” she sobbed out…
But she knew that her close friends in ETF were aware of the fact of Arjun being the father of Sakshi’s child… the situation was explanatory enough…
“So Arjun you are free… stop tying yourself to me when I don’t want you to be a part of me anymore…” she cried out…
“Ok…” his raspy voice spoke and he cut the call…
She threw her phone away… crying her heart out… till sleep took over…
Had she known he was in the same hell as well…
~*~
Chapter 2
Arjun drove like a maniac… by visiting her he didn’t want her to feel as if she was a burden… he just wanted to check the development of her… and their child…
The child was theirs… not hers…
Sakshi wasn’t unwanted for him… otherwise he wouldn’t have felt those damned desires creep up his blood that night…
It felt like lust to Arjun… but even he knew it was far beyond that…
He closed his eyes… he knew he made love to her… because he felt protected in her warmth… when she hugged him tightly… he felt cared… he felt himself to be liberated… he felt peace… he craved for such a solace… after Roshni did someone look at him as if he meant the world to her… as if he was the Sun of her Universe… and being the selfish person he was… he embraced her into himself… he just wanted to feel loved…
It was just the next morning when he discovered his arm with the scarred tattoo of Roshni’s wrapped around her beautiful bare body that he cursed himself…
It was a long time since Sikandar had been killed… after all… being overconfident has it’s own side effects… and that had consumed Sikandar...
It had been a year…
It was coincidentally the same day as Roshni’s birthday…
He was out on a case with Sakshi… she brought the case into his notice…
About a “sadhu” claiming to purify young girls of their past lives guilt and promise them a proper future by his own method…
It hadn’t taken Sakshi cosmic science to figure out something was wrong…
As a teenager she had worked towards the development of this village herself…
And struck friendship with Dhanwanti*… a small 6 year old girl…
For the past 10 years whenever she got a chance she would go to visit Dhanwanti*… a bright 16 year old now… she was dusky… like the other children… but would secretly help Sakshi in giving information about any wrongdoings in her village…
However like the other people she too had superstitious beliefs… her parents were blind believers of the sadhu baba who came in town…
Upon knowing this Arjun’s respect for Sakshi increased by four folds…
“Arjun… mujhe tumse baat karni hai…” Sakshi told him…
“Sakshi… aaj nahi… I want to be alone…” Arjun muttered…
“Arjun it’s about a case for girls… Sameer is in Delhi… so is Ayesha… ab tum hi ho jo kuch kar sakte ho… we need to stop this asap…” Sakshi said pensively…
Hearing “girls” Arjun immediately got up… tucking his gun in his belt he issued Shree, Liza and Chotu to come along…
“Arjun… woh Mandelgaon se 10 km door ek aur gaon hai… waha… pe…” Sakshi paced with him…
Arjun nodded…
“Waise Arjun… don’t worry… apart from the case I wouldn’t say anything else…” she passed him a reassuring smile and he nodded… he liked the fact that she understood him…
As they sat in the SUV Sakshi briefed them about the details…
“Aur phir… guys… when I went to visit Dhani 4 days before I was surprised by her behavior… she was withdrawn… and barely ate…” Sakshi briefed them…
“Usse kya hua?” Shree asked…
“Don’t tell me…” Liza looked at Sakshi horrified…
Sakshi controlled her tears…
“I noticed bite marks on her neck… I hugged her tight… and prodded her to open up… and you wouldn’t believe… it’s the usual story… of what these “sadhus” do in the name of superstition…” Sakshi said bitterly…
Arjun cursed some words under his breathe… Liza felt like puking… Shree fisted his palms while Chotu was almost ready to pounce on him…
“Isliye guys I need you people to plan something to destroy this sadhu.. uska shakal sabke saamne aane ke liye… I can’t believe iska pohoch saare CM log tak hai!” Sakshi said frustratedly…
“Yeh ho sakta hai ki we send one of us to the Sadhu and get a device attached to her earing… phir we’ll record and catch him red handed… and before the tape arrives to the local police I will spread it on YouTube… public, NGO, news channels would dance on this… aur koi yeh account trace bhi nahi kar payega ke kisne post kiya... press is the strongest medium out here…” Shree suggested…
“Great.. toh phir main jaati hoon…” Sakshi said…
“No..” Arjun replied… to meet the gazes of his officers… and hers… which softened a little…
“Yes main javungi… I know them… tum log bas sahi waqt pe aa jao… ek minute late bhi mat karna…” Sakshi told them…
“Arrey Sakshi...ek minute late kya… main toh abhi usse kacha chaba jauvunga!” Chotu grumbled…
As planned Sakshi walked up to the baba pretending to be smitten by him… the plan went perfect… and the Baba was caught and thrown behind the bars…
Still Sakshi sat mum on the stairs of an abandoned house… dawn was yet to come…
“Kya baat hai?” Arjun asked and sat next to her…
“In spite of having you all as a back up… mera jee phir bhi ghabra raha tha andar… mujhe toh yeh sochke dum ghut jaata hai ki kya ho raha hoga un logo ke upar… I mean from their eyes itself as if they had undressed me…” Sakshi shuddered and Arjun placed his palms over hers…
“Sakshi… aaj tumhari waja se kitni saari ladkiya bhi bach gayi… aur iss jaise kutton ki kya haalat hogi… anyways… I told Chotu, Shree and Liza to take the man away with police and back up with another van… waise bhi humne itani pitai ki hai ki woh mard kehlaane ki layak hi nahi rahega…” Arjun gritted through his teeth…
“Hmm… I wish people would stop believing in superstition…” Sakshi sighed…
“Main bhagvaan pe bharosa nahi rakhta…” Arjun said solemnly…
“Aisa nahi kehte… bhagvaan ke upar faith rakhna ek baat hota hai… things could have gone wrong for me while I was inside… if they noticed my earring… I could have been drugged and then main warning signal… and they…” She walked towards the courtyard as it slightly drizzled…
“Main tumhe kuch hone nahi deta Sakshi…” Arjun said from behind…
Sakshi turned around… surprised to find him a breathe away…
“Kyun?” she asked…
The rain pattered on them… the night crept up to her beauty… Sakshi felt his intense gaze flick towards her…
She walked inside the house… her white saree drenched… she dried her hair to see Arjun standing outside… he seemed to be weeping…
“Arjun…” Sakshi called…
“Mere wajeh se Roshni chali gayi thi…” He slumped on the floor…
Sakshi rushed beside him… cradling him in his arms… he didn’t refuse…
“No Arjun… bilkul bhi nahi…” she shushed him…
“No Sakshi… I can barely protect anyone I love… mere badges ki kya fayda if I couldn’t save her?” Arjun wiped his eyes…
“You saved me…” Sakshi whispered and hugged him…
“I don’t know Sakshi… whenever I save someone… it makes me feel how guilty and incapable I was to save the person who needed to be alive…” Arjun broke down…
Sakshi patted his back… and cupped his cheeks… her own eyes watery… he could read the unadulterated love in them…
“Why do you love such a useless person Sakshi!” Arjun growled at her…
“I don’t know… I just love you… I love you from the bottom of my heart…” She whispered against his wet hair…
“Do I deserve your love…” he hiccuped… holding on to her tightly…
“More than anything else in this world Arjun… more than anything else…” she smoothened his tangled hair… as he hid himself in the crook of her neck…
Her heartbeat quickened on feeling his puffs of breath… she was wrong… ACP Rawte wasn’t the strong man she once assumed…
“Arjun… we should go inside… it would start raining again…” Sakshi whispered and walked in the house.. he held her hand like a lost child…
He looked aside… lost… vulnerable...
She brushed off the dust… “Arjun sleep here… okay…” she ushered him to sleep and she was about to leave when he held her hand…
“Don’t go… just be next to me…” he held her little pinky with his pinky finger…
Sakshi hesitated… she sat next to him… patting his forehead as he stared at the woman in front of him…
“You love me...” he said softly… perhaps more like a question...
“I love you…” she answered… affirmed… and before she realised she found her face cupped in his cheeks… and his warm lips on hers…
“I want to feel loved…” he whispered…
She melted against him as he gently removed the wet saree… her body ripe as he touched and felt her in the most intimate manner…
Even she wanted him… she clenched her eyes shut as he tasted her…
For him she was the most beautiful and delicious fruit… as sweet as cranberries… biting her soft skin at times… he looked at her ecstatic face… her tousled hair … her swollen lips …
He licked her bites gently…
She screamed in ecstasy when he made himself a part of her… raking nails all over his powerful shoulders… she teared up and mumbled words as he shushed her gently…
He snuggled into her embrace… feeling comforted… feeling love... feeling peace…
As morning came in he shook out of his dream like stance… as he felt a soft form wrapped around him tightly he smiled and whispered Roshni… when the fragrance hit him…
It wasn’t the rose or cream that he was used to… but something exotic…
He opened his eyes… surprised to find himself on a haystack…
And shocked to find Sakshi… with him… their state revealed what had happened between them…
He just looked at her… confusion etched in his head…
He looked at his arm which had the marred tattoo of Roshni’s name… the very arm wrapped around Sakshi…
Oh no… what had he done… amidst the storm of emotions he… he…
He closed his eyes in guilt and recalled what all happened…
From him breaking down to … what their present state is…
He betrayed Roshni…
He cheated Roshni… that too on the night of her birthday…
Arjun began hyperventilating… he slid off Sakshi’s tight embrace… guilt seeping into his blood…
When another thing hit his head…
Especially when he recalled her screams at every stroke… yet the faded smile… her tightness…
He buried his head in his hands as the knowledge seeped into his head…
Sakshi was a virgin…
He had been her first…
His throat parched… his eyes widened.... his hands shook as he covered her with the white saree…
He changed into his shirt and jeans…
And gently shook Sakshi…
She was adorned with a cute bashful smile and a deep blush…
But her smile faded as her eyes opened and met with the ones of Arjun’s… he looked confused…
“Change karlo…” he said and literally ran off the place…
He felt like murdering himself…
After few weeks she informed him… of expecting…
He was scared… but he composed and told her he would be visiting her…
Even though he wouldn’t marry her… he promised that their child would have a father’s name…
Though Rathore, Shree, Liza, Ayesha or Chotu weren’t too pleased upon the fact that he wasn’t marrying her…
And the once extrovert Sakshi turned introvert…
From then did the meetings start…
But what did he do…
He just hurt her more … BAAM…
Arjun’s waves of memories caused him to distract from the road… thus the steering wheel spun out of control and his car met with another one… leading to an accident…
The last thing he remembered was being tossed around in the car as the airbags cushioned him… and tasting blood in his mouth…
*Dhanwanti : Fictional village.
~*~
Chapter 3
“Haan Ayesha… kya? Wait… kab? Oh Sh*t… main abhi aa rahi hoon… woh theek hai na?” Sakshi said shocked…
She started sobbing… damn her hormones… it makes her over react on every situation…
Every word of hers stating that she doesn’t want him to be a part of her life… of her… their child’s life rushed into her head… shoot… no…
She spoke out of anger… she didn’t want anything to happen to him…
She wiped her tears… her face red… ignoring the fact that she was wearing minnie mouse nightie she rushed towards the lobby… her stomach slightly showy as it was her 5th month… her fingers instinctively ran over her slightly swollen stomach…
No… her baby’s father had to be fine… he had to be fine…
A fresh trail of tears swam down…
She patted her stomach gently… “Don’t worry bacha… papa theek hai… ok… tension mat lo.. papa is all ok…” she soothed… didn’t know whether those words were for the life breathing in her… or for herself…
Ayesha came and collected Sakshi…
As Sameer drove he told her little bit about the accident… just that it was a simple car accident and nothing more than that…
Fortunately only a few bones were broken.. that too of the arms… and a little internal injury…
Sakshi bit her lips and nodded when Ayesha asked her is she was fine… Ayesha placed a gentle peck on Sakshi’s forehead as she lay her head on her shoulder…
“I fought with him…” Sakshi mumbled…
“Kaaran…” Sameer asked…
“I was tired with his indifference Sameer… woh kuch nahi kehta tha… bhoot ke tarha beith ta tha… and said that I am his guilt factor… on the phone… toh gusse main kehdia ki don’t be a part of my life… I don’t care if he doesn’t even meet me… at least I would know ki he is doing that from his wish! Toh kehdia ki agar meri zindagi main aana tumhare liye mushkil hai then just go away... but I didn’t know ki aise gaari bhidaa dega!” Sakshi sobbed slightly…
Ayesha and Sameer passed knowing looks… they knew that it was indeed a dysfunctional relationship…
As they walked towards the cabin Sakshi spoke “Na main phone pe jhagadti… nahi uska dhyaan bhatakta… nahi accident hota…”
Sameer passed a brotherly arm around Sakshi’s shoulders… “Ssh… anyways Rawte is fine… and I think that matters the most… stop cursing yourself… he’s fine ok… kuch hi der main hosh aa jayega… tab tak have something…” Sameer smiled slightly at Sakshi… she pouted slightly and nodded no…
“Kuch nahi khaana…” she mumbled and sat on the chair… her eyes darting towards Arjun’s ward…
No she wasn’t going to cry and stuff… she unfortunately still loved him… and it frightened the soul out of her body that something had happened… every words of his dissipated into thin air… he was injured… battling with life and death…
For a moment… she just looked into the cabin… and sipped in water brought by Ayesha…
If this is how she felt when her loved one is in ICU… that means when Roshni died… it might have been terrible for Arjun…
Her stomach turned queasy at the thought… she can handle her child like a single mother… she doesn’t need sympathy or forced love from anybody…
All her random thoughts came to a pause as Ayesha patted her back… “Sakshi… he’s asking for you…” she whispered…
Every thought flew out of the window…
Arjun called her…
She needed to meet him…
~*~
They didn’t call Sakshi on the spot… after Arjun was treated and cared… and was stable that Sameer and Ayesha decided to call Sakshi…
As they saw Sakshi walk towards the cabin… her fingers clasping and unclasping in nervousness they hoped that only the best outcome happens…
~*~
Sakshi took slow tentative steps into the white room… a big window was there at the right side… a dark cream curtain was pulled… a soft night lamp was switched on… and there on the bed lay Arjun… his right hand in a cast…
There were bruises on the other hand… a gash on his forehead… presumably as a white cotton and gauze was wound around his head… a small cut on his left cheek… his legs and chest were saved… thanks to the airbags… though she was sure of a broken rib as there was a cast enclasping his chest…
She bit her lips… tears swelled up and she sniffed in a failed attempt to stop her sobbing… she tucked an invisible strand of hair and went closer to his bed…
An IV was inserted in his left palm… she gently took his cold palm into her warm soft palm… she stood still as he moved a bit and his eyes opened…
He signalled towards the light which she switched on…
“Sakshi...” he whispered…
She nodded … her eyes trekked over him as she looked at the wounds… stifling a sob…
She breathed in deeply to stop herself from crying…
“Don’t cry…” he whispered… she looked at him and nodded… hastily wiping off the tears that trickled by…
“Kaise ho?” she asked…
He hummed in response… his gaze went towards her pink minnie mouse nighty… and obviously at the swollen stomach…
“You scared her…” she whispered and he looked at her… and to her surprise… a soft smile spread on his face…
“And you?” he asked…
“Can’t afford to be scared when she is scared…” Sakshi replied… her one palm resting on her stomach...
His gaze flicked to her stomach again…
“Can’t leave so fast…” he muttered…
Sakshi nodded… her gaze still fixed with his…
“Tell her… her papa is fine…” he whispered… sending a fresh trail of tears by her face…
“That’s so visible…” Sakshi said sarcastically… pointing out at the cast and stitches…
He hummed slightly and the ghost a smile returned on his handsome face…
A few minutes silence went by…
Sakshi slowly slid her palm from his… he looked at her.. “Take care…” she said softly…
“Hmm…” he replied…
“Can I ask…” he started that she looked at him…
“Sit…” he said… shifting a little to the side… she gently sat next to him… her legs dangling in the air… she felt shy…
After that night did they sit so close…
Strange… pregnancy does make one go through various emotions… his palm was still on hers… it seemed awkward…
“What do you think about her…” he asked softly…
“Beautiful… and I am happy that I have her… you?” she asked… looking aside…
He again hummed in response…
“Did you think of abort…” he said softly to find her staring at him…
“Never… about maa and papa… they won’t be here till next May… by then our child would be here… and I can tell maa and papa that she was adopted… and yeah… my neighbors aren’t exactly thrilled to know me… so it’s fine…” Sakshi sighed and scratched her head…
When a fear creeped up her eyes… did he want their kid to be aborted?
He seemed to have read the words… “No... I didn’t want either…” he said and calmed her nerves…
“Sure?” Sakshi asked… her eyes tentative…
“Obviously!” Arjun said furiously and was about to sit up when Sakshi placed a palm on his nape and gently kept him back on the bed…
“I believe you…” she said softly… he still glared at her… how could she ever think that he didn’t love their child..
Because she knew he was guilty of the child… perhaps the child was a guilt factor for him… perhaps he didn’t even like the child’s mother…
“Woh..” he started…
“hmm” she asked…
“I want to visit you every weekend Sakshi.. it is my choice…” he mumbled softly to find her staring at his face…
She took a deep breath and looked at him…
“Listen Arjun… I realize everything… I don’t want me or our child to be a burden on you…” she crossed her arms across her chest…
“How can our baby be a burden for me?” he asked in disbelief…
Sakshi’s eyes widened… he didn’t think of her child to be a burden? But then yes… she was a burden… not their child…
“But you were guilty…” she fumbled…
“I was guilty for the night Sakshi…” he paused to take a breath… “and perhaps I still am…” he said to see hurt flicker through those doe eyes…
She looked away and nodded… “Hmm…”
He sighed when he saw hurt in her eyes… but it was the truth… she could never be Roshni for him…
“But our child… a part of me… I can’t feel guilty for that… never…” he firmly spoke…
Sakshi half smiled…
“Only if it was Roshni instead of me it would have been perfect na?” Sakshi told…
He looked aside…
“Yea..” he almost whispered to himself… to find Sakshi’s eyes locked to his… and her swallow a gulp down her throat…
A minute’s awkward silence followed… Arjun noticed the quiet Sakshi… fiddling with the edge of her pink minnie mouse nightie…
After some time… Sakshi bit her lips and turned towards Arjun… a wavering smile on her lips…
“So you are tolerating me for our child… that is really generous of you Arjun…” Sakshi spoke… but with no bitterness in her voice…
“Sakshi am not “tolerating” you… and generous on my kid… it’s.. natural instinct… I would do everything for her!” Arjun glared at Sakshi…
She had the audacity to think that he’s using Sakshi as a carrier of his child!
Because you never shared her joy of becoming a mother… his inner voice stated…
“And Sakshi… from now on you wouldn’t be working in ETF… cause stress is not good for you… so… I would be paying for you…” Arjun told to find Sakshi stand up immediately…
“No… I am self sufficient… and I will work… koi mujhpe kharch kare… mujhe pasand nahi…” Sakshi turned aside…
“Sakshi… I am the father of the child Goddamit!” Arjun gnashed his teeth…
“So just pay for the child’s necessities! Mere parwah kyun kar rahe ho tum!” Sakshi gritted her teeth…
Followed was a five minute fight between Arjun and Sakshi when he said that he would pay for them…
“Because I don’t want to be your burden… and I am not your wife that you pay for me… mujhe Roshni ka jagah nahi chahiye!” Sakshi barked at him…
“Main tumhe Roshni ka jagah nahi de raha hoon… and I know you wouldn’t want that either… and how can my own baby be a burden on me!” Arjun said for the 5th time…
“I don’t want to be your burden! Pay for your child… but not for me! I mean nothing to yoouu…” Sakshi clutched her head…
Fatigued, she experienced a dizz and slumped on the bed… clutching it’s railing… she breathed in deeply…
Arjun sat up tensed… he reached up to her palm… it was ice cold… “Sakshi… Sakshi…” he shook her… holding her clammy hands his heart stopped for a minute…
~*~
Chapter 4
“They are yelling… we should stop them…” Sameer said… peeping through the glass window…
“No..” Ayesha held Sameer by his shoulder… he turned to her gazelle like eyes…
She was beautiful… focus Sameer!
“Why?” he asked… though he was thoroughly distracted by her closeness…
“At least they are speaking… let it come out… they need to speak…” Ayesha reasoned…
She looked up to find his intent dark brown orbs searching for something in her eyes…
She turned to a warmer shade and stepped behind… coughing a little…
Sameer snapped out… he crossed his arms across his chest… when he saw Ayesha stare at the glass…
“Sameer… Sakshi fainted…” Ayesha just uttered that Sameer rushed in…
“Sakshi! Rawte… kya hua?” Sameer gritted and picked up a semi conscious Sakshi…
“Just check her bag… ek high BP ka medicine hoga…” Arjun said… Ayesha looked at him…
“It’s hereditary…” Arjun answered…
“She didn’t get her bag sir…” Ayesha replied…
“How can she be so careless...” his words ceased as Sameer and Ayesha glared at him…
“Apparently the father of her child met with an accident thus she thought it was wise to have checked on the father than pack her kit…” Ayesha said sarcastically…
“It’s not her child Ayesha… it’s ours…” Arjun replied…
Raesha smiled a little at the response of Arjun… Sakshi came round after a few minutes…
She pulled her nighty little down… and rubbed her eyes… she gulped the glass of water that Sameer passed…
“What’s the issue guys?” Sameer crossed his arms…
“Rathore… I just said I would pay for her and our child… that’s it!” Arjun shrugged his shoulders…
“But!” Sakshi was about to say something when Ayesha shut her up…
“Sakshi… see you both love the baby right? So let it be… if he has to care for the baby then he has to care for the mother! Cause if he has to make sure the baby has good food… for that mumma must have good food na? So just calm down… okay? Waise bhi buddhio ke tarha BP high karke beithi hai!” Ayesha sneered…
“Ok fine… hey.. it’s genetical ok…” Sakshi argued…
“Alright guys let’s call it a day… raat ke 11 baj chuke hai and a certain pregnant Miss Sakshi Anand should be sleeping now… I hope you have tucked in something for junior… otherwise she will wake you at midnight…” Sameer chuckled
“Yeah… I do… but really why does Arjun…” Sakshi complained…
“Sakshi!” Arjun glared… and Sakshi just glared back…
Sakshi huffed out of the room when Arjun said something…
“And yeah… just don’t try to argue wearing a baby pink minnie mouse nighty… you can’t get serious in that…” Arjun gave his sexy grin to her… her heart suddenly hammered against her sternum...
Sakshi just squinted her eyes… and then realized that this was the first conversation that they had in 6 months…
Arjun’s smile faded when he realized that she was gazing at him with a look that made her cheeks grow warmer… her smile faded too once he got back his stoic face…
“Chalein…” Ayesha nudged Sakshi…
Little knowing that her best friend’s heartbroke looking at the stoic face of Arjun’s…
“Haan… chalein…” Sakshi whispered and left..
~*~
It had been a month and half since Arjun and Sakshi spoke… as usual he came every Saturday and Sunday.. his visits more frequent as Sakshi’s stomach grew relatively big… she often had back pain…
His behavior though never changed… he was the same… exactly the same… but Sakshi still smiled for the hope… that he loved their child… what could be more than that?
She was sitting on the couch… panting… her doctor had spoken about complications… but then… forget it… no need to tell Arjun…
She was a weak mother… and she wasn’t keeping herself well… perhaps for the fact that she cried every night to sleep…
She was indeed skinny enough for a 6 month pregnant woman… though she looked visibly healthy it was time she took on little bit of weight… oh Lord… she ran her fingers over her soft round stomach…
“Don’t worry bacha… you will be fine… no matter what maa will bring you to this world…” Sakshi promised herself…
It was sharp 6 o’clock when Arjun stepped in… she smiled at him and he nodded…
“Arjun.. kal ultrasound scan hain…” Sakshi said as she walked towards the counter to make his cutting tea…
“Hmm” Arjun replied… though he did focus on the fact that she was thin… indeed…
Suddenly he heard a crash…
“Sakshi!” Arjun yelled and rushed to the kitchen…
“Arjun…” she whispered… her eyes were round… she reached for Arjun’s arms as the broken glass was on the floor… he helped her out of the kitchen…
He handed her over a glass of water… “Are you ok?” he asked… tensed…
Suddenly something happened and Sakshi just dropped the glass of water…
“Sakshi! What is this! Kya shauk hai aisi cheezein phekne ki… Sak.. Sakshi? Sakshi?” he clicked his fingers before his eyes…
Her eyes were teary… she took his palm and placed it on her stomach…
“Bacha… ne … kk.. kick kiya…” She burst into tears of happiness…
He looked at her face… he couldn’t comprehend what she said when the baby kicked under his palm…
The ground beneath his feet gave way… tears found their own way out of his eyes…
He fell on his knees.... he pulled her shirt up to find their baby’s footprint on Sakshi’s stomach…
He was scared to touch her skin…
Sakshi smiled… “Touch her Arjun…” she whispered…
“No… agg..agar lag jaye toh…” Arjun looked at her.. tentatively…
Sakshi laughed… perhaps for the first time during her pregnancy....
“Chuhke dekho Arjun…” she smiled and took his hesitant fingertips in hers… and placed them gently on the kick…
Tears streamed down their faces…
“Aai!” he squealed when the baby kicked again… he laughed and patted the knee… perhaps this time his daughter kicked with her knee…
He rubbed the knee gently… “Baby… papa loves you… can you hear me…” he said expectantly… his hands resting on her swollen belly as he looked on for further moves of his child!
“She can hear you… and she says that she loves her papa too…” Sakshi smiled… sniffing a little…
Arjun smiled… he couldn’t help but plant a kiss on his daughter’s kick… a soft loving kiss… when he heard Sakshi gasp…
It broke his trance of happiness… he looked at her blissful face and stepped back… he wiped off the small tears…
Sakshi understood him walking away…
They shared an awkward smile… but he didn’t fail to notice the sudden glow lost from her face… the sunken cheeks as he stepped back… she looked… hurt…
“Woh main…” he said…
She smiled wryly and raised her frail palm… “It’s fine…” she whispered…
“I don’t expect anything Arjun…” she walked off…
“Tum bache ke kick pe khush hue yeh hi kaafe hai…” Sakshi said softly and sat near the the far end of the sofa..
Arjun sat on the sofa… angered… “Sakshi… yeh meri beti bhi hai.. tum mujhe baar baar paraye kyun karti ho?” he voiced out…
“Tumne mujhe apna kab banaya jo parayi kar doon?” she looked at him… her eyes welling up in tears…
She was interrupted by a bell…
“Main kholta hoon…” Sakshi said when she felt tipsy…
“Arj.. oh…” Sakshi held her palm near her sternum…
“Just check the..door… morni…” Sakshi held her mouth in her palm…
He patted her back gently… “Don’t worry… I will see who is there… just go to washroom okay?” he said…
Arjun opened to door to a few unfamiliar faces…
“Jee aap?” Arjun quizzed them…
After 5 minutes…
Sakshi washed her face and came out after a bath…
She dried her hair and came in the room…
“Arjun?” she called out…
“Yaha…” Arjun replied… sporting a helpless look…
“Kya baat…” she said softly and walked out into the living room…
Her eyes popped out looking at the people in front…
“Maa…” her voice croaked….
Oh Sh*t…
~*~
Chapter 5
Five minutes before…
“Main.. wait… miser aap kaun?” A young man of 30 looked at Arjun suspiciously…
“Jee hum Sakshi se milne aaye hai…” a graceful woman spoke to Arjun…
Arjun was about to say something when a 50 something man seemed to be glaring at Arjun…
“Par janaab kya aap kahenge ki aap mere beti ki ghar main kya kar rahe hai?” he gruffed…
Arjun’s eyes widened… sh*t… they were Sakshi’s family!
“W..Woh..” Arjun was at a loss of words…
“Aap ACP Arjun Suryakant Rawte right?” the older man gruffed at him…
“Yes sir… aap sab… aiye… andar beithiye… woh… Sakshi.. woh…” Arjun was about to say something when Sakshi called him from inside…
“Arrey Sakshi!” Sakshi’s mom stood up in happiness…
“Par papa I am pissed off… what is a man doing in my baby sister’s house?” He grumbled to his dad..
“Shant raho Ruduu… not that they are doing anything wrong… he is her boss… shayad kaam se aaya ho…” Ram Anand told him…
“Whatever dad… humain dekh ke uske batti kyun fuse ho gaya?” Sakshi’s brother glared…
“Ruddu… you and your temper… trust me you both…” their words were cut short by a scream…
“Shubha… Shubha kya hua?” Ram and his son rushed to Sakshi’s mother…
“Sak… Sakshi…” her mother said.. aghast…
“Kya S… SAKSHI!” her brother and father yelled…
Their roofs came crashing as they saw a 6 and a half month pregnant Sakshi stare at them as if they saw the ghost…
“Bhai…” Sakshi started… her eyes swelling…
“Shut up Sakshi! Dare you call me that! What is this!” he shouted at her…
“Dekhiye aap... mister…” Arjun started but was silenced by his glares…
“It’s Squadron Leader Rudra Ram Anand! And you are responsible for this right!” Rudra yelled at him…
Sakshi’s mother collapsed on the sofa… she held her head while her father held his heart…
“You female! Kya kiya tune! Isliye… isliye you blo**y didn’t care if your brother was here or not… maine Air Force se chutti li sirf tere liye to see her impregnated…” Rudra banged his hand on the wall…
“Bhai…” Sakshi sobbed…
“Shut up shut up shut up!!!” he roared like a beast…
“I don’t think you even bothered about us… busy f**... argh… meri behen… yeh values sikhaye the maa papa ne!” Rudra screamed…
Sakshi instinctively caught her stomach… she was trembling in fear… she had never seen her brother so angry… he had always been the lovely naughty brother of hers…
Rudra gripped Arjun’s neck…
“So you f*****d her right?” he shouted at a shocked Arjun…
“You must be the ACP…. but mister I am in the Indian Air Force… I swear tumhe kahika nahi chodunga!” Rudra glared at Arjun…
“Dekho Rudra… you are…” Arjun released himself from the tight grip…
“Mr. Anand!” Rudra glared back…
“Hey Sakshi!” a male voice came from behind…
Sameer’s voice came shut as he noticed three people gaping at a pregnant Sakshi and a helpless Arjun…
They stared at Sameer… and truth be told Sameer was freaked out by the tall man…
“Sakshi.. who the hell is this now!” Rudra shouted…
“Wait wait… this is ETF Chief… Sameer Rathore… right?” Rudra questioned and Sameer nodded…
“Hey Sakshi!” Ayesha entered to see Sameer signaling a no…
She raised her eyebrows to ask Sameer and he mouthed “family” to Ayesha… she looked shocked…
She understood the situation… accuse were written on the family’s eyes… Sakshi slumped on the floor… sobbing… Arjun stood still… her mother held her head… her father almost looked like as if he was having a stroke…
“Hi people… I'm Ayesha Kapoor…” She smiled but they still darted looks towards Sameer…
She breathed in… knowing very well what they were thinking… she looked at Sameer’s eyes…
“Just trust me and go by the flow…” Ayesha said and Sameer nodded… though he was confused…
“Why are you here?” Rudra gruffed at her…
“Woh Sameer and I are getting engaged day after evening isliye… I came with an invitation…” Ayesha smiled while Sameer held a straight face…
Rudra softened a little…
“He’s your…” Rudra asked…
Ayesha smiled a little and nodded… “Yeah… my boyfriend… actually main Sakshi aur Jiju* ko invite karni aayi thi…” Ayesha smiled…
* (brother in law)
Arjun was thrown off by what Ayesha said… Jiju!
“Jiju!” Rudra voiced out Arjun’s thoughts…
“Haan… Sakshi aur Arjun jiju!” Ayesha said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world…
“They are married?” Rudra asked…
“Yes sir.. aur hum isliye aaye the in dono ko invite karne ke liye…” Sameer said…
“But… they don’t look married…” Rudra scanned Sakshi and Arjun…
And for the first time were Sameer and Ayesha grateful to the lords for Arjun’s ability to keep a stoic face at all intervals of time…
Rudra tried to search for any hint of surprise on either’s face… but Sakshi already had a red face because she was crying… and Arjun maintained a straight face…
“I don’t see engagement rings nor do I see mangalsutra nor sindoor?” Rudra interrogated them…
“Woh she just came from a bath I guess…” Ayesha said… noticing Sakshi’s wet hair…
Rudra stared at his sobbing sister… the officer evaporated in him and he sat beside Sakshi…
He noticed the big round belly… and in place of his toddler sister and young woman was in front of him… as he sat next to Sakshi and held her shoulders she hugged him tight and burst into tears… making him gulp…
“Saki… tune shadi kar li… humain nahi batayi? Teri bhai ko nahi batayi?” Rudra wiped her tears…
“May I…” Ayesha said and Rudra nodded…
“Woh actually we were working on a very high profile case sir… due to which it was very difficult for anyone to know anything… and Arjun’s almost paternal figure was on deathbed so they married but had to keep it in secret… actually Sameer and I were also to be engaged long back… but due to the issues we pushed back the date… like” Ayesha was stopped by Rudra…
“I understand…” Rudra got up and shook hands with Ayesha and Sameer…
“Congratulations… to both of you… wish you for a happy life… I would like to leave now…” Rudra left like a storm…
Sakshi’s mother and father seemed relieved… Ayesha stepped out of the house to make a call…
“Hi Aunty and Uncle… main more or less Sakshi ka bhai jaisa hi hoon… Sameer Damsingh Rathore… I know ki yeh bohot bada jhatka tha aur kisiko inform karna was difficult.. aur ek taraf Arjun’s relative was dying… so there was no other option left… I hope you understand…” Sameer squeezed her father’s hand..
Arjun went to the kitchen and passed two glasses of water to her parents…
They had the water silently… Sakshi got up on her feet… Arjun helped her… she sat on the couch… trying to wipe her tears when her mother hugged her tightly…
Sakshi broke into tears and howled while hugging her mother…
She howled because what they thought was the truth… yes… she was having a child out of wedlock…
She howled because… yes… their daughter broke every line of moral and values and made love before marriage…
That too with a person with whom… she doesn’t even know which relation to name it…
Her parents hugged her tightly while Sameer and Arjun walked out…
“Please do this for Sakshi… please…” Sameer told Arjun…
Arjun closed his eyes and took in a deep breathe…
“Hmm” he replied…
“I know ki tumhe yeh sab ajeeb ho raha hai… but just for a few days… that’s it… nothing more… I know Sakshi wouldn’t ever ask you anything more…” Sameer requested…
“I am not that inhuman Rathore…” Arjun said bitterly…
Was it so difficult for people to think that he could do something for whom he cares… was it so difficult for people to think that he can also care and feel?
Because you have never shown yourself to be human…
He knew how he treated Sakshi… like as if she never existed…
“Rawte?” Rathore called…
“Haan… let’s go in…” Arjun forced a smile and walked in…
It wouldn’t be right to say as if everything smoothened but then… they are parents… they hugged their daughter… kissing her forehead…
Arjun’s throat parched… because he saw Sakshi, him and their daughter…
If his daughter did this…
He would murder the b*****d who would touch his daughter…
And over here he damned made love to his daughter… without even being a rightful counterpart of her…
If he was the father… he might die of a stroke…
Arjun found his eyes moist… he deserved worst… he truly did…
“Bete idhar aao…” Ram Anand called him…
“Haan Sir…” Arjun said and hesitatingly sat next to Sakshi…
“Meri bachi ka dhyaan rakho… she is as sensitive as a flower…” her father slightly broke down…
“Papa…” Sakshi said softly and hugged him…
After a few hours the situation turned normal… though there was still an air of uneasiness…
Ayesha came back…
“Chalo aunty uncle hum kahin bahar jaatein hain khaane ke liye!” Ayesha smiled…
“Haan… good idea… waise bhi bohot rona dhona ho gaya Shubha ji… ab toh main khush hi hua ki shadi pe na aaya… bechara Arjun ek hafte ke liye gaddi ke saamne khada hota ki maa beti rote he rehte!” Ram Anand laughed while Ayesha and Sameer burst into peals of laughter…
“Chalo uncle… isse to sabit ho hi gaya ki aap Sakshi ke hi papa ho!” Sameer chuckled…
Arjun smiled a little…
“Sakshi chalo.. let’s get ready ok?” Arjun said softly.. startling Sakshi…
As they walked in Ayesha followed them silently.
“Sakshi Arjun… idhar kapde hai… and some marital stuff… picked it up on the way... sorry agar acha nahi laga.” Ayesha quipped and walked out…
Arjun took out his black shirt and blue jeans and went into the washroom to wear those, when he came out he was beautifully surprised.
She wore a green colour light work anarkali. She was combing her hair… on her hair parting there was little bit vermillion and a mangalsutra dangled on her neck, a small ring on her ring finger.
She looked beautiful… in fact he hadn’t seen anyone as beautiful as her…
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Sakshi stilled as she found Arjun looking at her… when her baby kicked…
The bangle fell from her hand…
“Sakshi?” Arjun asked as a gorgeous smile spread across her lips…
He saw her stomach and he immediately went near her… his eyes wide in expectation…
“Kick?” he asked… a beautiful smile spread across his handsome face… and tears welled up her eyes… especially when she had put the pinch of vermillion on her parting.
If only he knew… how much she wished for this to be real… her hands wound to the sides of her hips.
“Hey! She… kicked! Dekho dekho… yeh elbow hai shayad!” Arjun said excitedly… his palm caressing the kick.
“Papa here… tu itna kick kyun maarti hai?” Arjun chuckled at his own comment.
“Papa loves you bacha…” his voice choked as he traced the kick…
“And what about mumma?” A deep baritone voice crept in the room… Arjun immediately stood up.
“Sir…” Arjun said as a slightly red eyed Rudra came in.
“I am sorry for having grabbed your neck Arjun… it was just that…” Rudra sighed.
He had noticed Arjun speaking sweet nothings to his sister’s child… and that was proof enough how much he loved her.
“It’s fine sir… I would have done the same…” Arjun said quietly/
I deserved every bit of that sir…
Rudra sighed… “ Alas I am a brother… aur kya karoon… I get possessive of her… Saki… apne bhai ko hug nahi karegi kya… pati kya aagaya bhai ko bhool gayi huh?”
Sakshi hugged her brother… “Bhai… I am shorry… mujhe nahi pata… aap aishe… bhai.. wh..” her words were muffled as she was hugged by her brother
She is a flower… and I destroyed her essence into mine… without giving her anything I forcefully made her a mother… she trusted me… and I loved her that night… without even thinking about the consequences…
Now I don’t know what I am guilty of… am I guilty of cheating Roshni… or treating Sakshi like a one night stand?
“I am sorry Saki for bursting at you… o teri… dekh… ab junior bhi laat maar rahi hai!” Rudra chuckled and stepped back.
He frowned at her tears… “Saki.. all ok na?” he kept a hand on her shoulder… he was her brother… and something told him that the tears were not just out of the emotion that was shown to him.
Sakshi looked at her brother and quietened down.
Rudra motioned Arjun to leave… and he complied.
Cupping Sakshi’s cheeks Rudra asked… “Saki… kuch bolna chahti hai kya?” he patted her cheeks.
Sakshi looked at her brother.
Kaise kahoon ke maine jhoot kaha hai… ki hum shadi shuda nahi hai?
Kaise kahoon ki mera dil tuth raha hai… issi gham main ke jo tu dekh raha hai… woh mehes mera khwaab tha?
Kaise kahoon ki main akeli hoon… bilkul akeli…
Rudra’ sharp eyes did not miss the fluttering emotions going through his sister… unlike his mum and dad he won’t be swayed with emotions that his sister is pregnant… he is happy… very much indeed… but then the officer in him saw something else.
“Kuch nahi bhai… bas… I was scared ki aaj tu mujhe maar na de… tu itna gussa tha…” Sakshi pouted.
“Tujhe toh ab bhi maarne ko chah raha hai… meri behen itni badi kab ho gayi haan? Tu toh ghar main aadhe nangi ghum phir rahi thi… sirf diapers pehenke… aaj khud teri petu main ek chutku sa bacha hai… aur teri shadi bhi ho gayi… tu successful journalist bhi ban gayi… itni badi kab ban gayi?” Rudra spoke emotionally.
Sakshi broke into tears yet again… thanks to pregnancy hormones!
“Ab chal… mere image ki raita phel chuka hai aise baar baar rote hue…” Rudra chuckled and led a Sakshi out of the house.
Arjun was amazed to see the change in Rudra… from one side Rudra was still the fuming however on the other side he was a soft brother.
“Saki… tu gaddi main baith… main ek call karta hoon…” Rudra smiled when Sakshi teased… “Oho… koi mil gaya kya bhai?” Sakshi chirped.
Rudra shook his head and placed his hands on his hips… “Arjun… aap gaddi leke maa papa aur Saki ko le jao… join Miss. Ayesha and Mr. Rathore… main tab tak ek emergency call karke aata hoon…” He walked off towards the auto.
“Yes Sir…” Arjun said and drove towards the Asha’s.
Silence enveloping the couple once again.
However before starting the car Arjun just switched on the Radio.
Sakshi looked at him in surprise.
He raised the volume a little… the corners of his mouth twitching a little to what seemed like a smile..
~*~
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